My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 96

Good morning! Today is my birthday. I’m 31 years old. Today is a beautiful day. I woke up this morning feeling sad. I went to check my facebook and I found people wishing me a happy birthday and I immediately felt loved. It helped me to feel better. I was overwhelmed by the people who wished me a happy birthday. It’s never the same people every year. It’s always someone I didn’t expect to wish me a happy birthday. I’m happy and excited. I started to feel anxious last night and I tried to fight it, but I ended up going to bed feeling anxious and wondering why I never had any money, but now none of it matters. It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. I’m starting to cry here. Being anxious about money is never a good thing. My mom used to do that all the time. I thought of her today. I miss her. I wish she was apart of my life. I even thought of my old life and where I would be if I wasn’t here in Winston-Salem.

BUT

I am taking this moment to say, “Okay. Now that you’ve had your moment of anxiety and you’ve cried your tears. Yes your mom used to be a big part of your life. Your old life is in Asheboro. Yes it is apart of who you are, but you have a new life now. You have a family and you have friends who truly love you and accept you. You can’t go back. As much as you might think you want to you can’t. You can’t fix what’s happened and undo the damage that’s been done. You have made peace with the fact that your mother is not going to be in your life. You are going to be okay. You’ve made it. You are a warrior, a survivor, a fighter, a lover, a beautiful person, intelligent, full of life, and the list could go on. You find ways to motivate yourself even when you are down. You don’t have to feel sad. You don’t have to be depressed and anxious. You are loved, support, cherished, treasured, and all more than you possibly know. Just because you don’t see how you are helping others doesn’t mean you aren’t helping them. You are not going to see the end result so stop attaching yourself to the outcome. Stop being anxious about money. You are not your mother. You are not stupid, dumb, or any of those things. You are beautiful, talented, smart, awesome, loved, cherished, treasured, supported, wonderful, amazing, loyal, determined, powerful, a fighter, honest, and open. You are not perfect. No one asked you to. It’s all in your mind. No asked you to do everything right. It’s all in your mind. No one asked you to do this or do that. It’s all in your mind. Reach out and ask for help when needed. Don’t be afraid. Stop feeling Fear of Abandonment. No one that means anything to you has left you. It’s all in your mind. It’s all in your mind.”

So now I move forward and I live my life. I am happy most of the time. I do make a difference and people do like me. I am a ball of fire and I love my life. I’m not where I want to be, but that’s okay. I’m where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. I will get to where I need to go all in good time. My future is bright at 31 and there are more opportunities and more doors waiting for me. I just have to get there and I will. I will be directed to the right people and I will be happy. I am happy. I am peaceful, content, happy, open and honest. My heart is open. My mind is open. I am loved, supported, treasured, and beautiful. I am grateful for everyone who is in my life. I have my family and my friends who truly love me and support me. I am thankful. Life couldn’t get any better than that…

Have a great day everyone and we’ll again soon. I love you!! Take care…

Love you guys,

Kathleen