My Journey; My Path: My New Walk Day 20

Good morning. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well. I had some very strange dreams, but perhaps it stuff that I need to let go. Who knows. It might be something I ate. I don’t know. One teacher work day to get through and then I can go back to driving the bus. I’ll be glad to get back to my normal routine. I don’t know much more I can stand Pam and my co workers.

Yesterday was actually a good day, but it wasn’t. I was so bored. Thankfully Pam wasn’t there much. Even though she was she didn’t do any work from what I saw. I’m just like really. But oh well. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not like I could prove it even if I said something. I’m still praying about it, but I had a lot of time to think about it and I’m not sure what to do.

I had a day of memories yesterday. It hurt. I ended up having a good cry in my car and when I came home I listened to music in my room and had a good cry. My memories were of Tyler and the farm. I thought about how I wished I had stayed in Winston. I also thought about moving back there and living on the farm again. I had dreams about Tyler last night. I miss him. My heart aches. My heart aches for him. I want to hear his voice and give him a hug. Then I looked at the calendar and realized his birthday is tomorrow. Even though I knew that, but I’ve been debating on whether I should say something. I know I would feel better if I at least texted. Even if he deletes it or doesn’t respond I’ll feel better. I can still picture the farm as I sit here and type. I miss it. I miss my family. I miss him. I can’t believe that honesty did that. I can’t believe that being honest with someone can undo 12 years of friendship, but apparently it can. I couldn’t hold it in. I had to be honest. It’s who I am. Maybe this is all apart of it? Each month I have a goal and this month’s goal is Rediscovering myself: Finding Healing. Perhaps that’s what all this is. I’m finding healing. I hope so.

I work six hours and forty five minutes. When I come home today I’m taking a nice hot shower, taking my pills, and I’m going to treat myself to a nice hot cup of tea. And with any luck I’ll head to bed early and get a good night’s sleep tonight.

Say a prayer and wish me luck today. Have a great day and I love you. Thanks for all the support and encouragement and most of the prayers. I appreciate them all.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

Tyler is in the blue and Michael is in the black.

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My Journey; My Path: My New Walk Day 19

Good morning!! It’s Monday ugh! Oh well. The snow is melted and thank God. I hope we don’t get anymore of it. I really hope we don’t.

Today is a teacher workday for teacher’s. I’m working from 8am-3pm. Normally I would have worked my hours I work during the day, but I have 2 days to make up because of the snow so I have to work to make those up and work my hours I would have normally worked. I don’t want to go to work, but I will. My mom left me a note to encourage me. She’s awesome like that. I just pray this day goes by quickly.

I prayed all weekend and sought out the Lord’s guidance on what to do. I still don’t have a clear picture on what I am supposed to do, but I will. I’m sure of that. I’m going to call either Wednesday or Thursday about the jobs in Chatham County. I had a horrible headache yesterday so I took a nap for a while. I finally started to feel better. I am enjoying studying and reading my Bible again. I studied some on Saturday and read and it was wonderful. I really felt the Lord was helping me and giving me what I needed. I read my devotional yesterday and looked up on of the verses on google to see what it had to say. I don’t always understand every verse I read and I wanted to get a clearer idea so I researched on google and it gave me a lot of information. I’ve decided to read through the Bible the first time and then I’ll go back through a second time and third time or more times to truly understand each verse. I have study books that my dad gave me so I’ll use them on the second time and third time through. Today I will read in Genesis. I’m excited about that. Genesis tells how the world was created and about Adam and Eve. It’s all very exciting to me. I read it with new, fresh eyes, like I’ve never read it before and it helps me to soak it up like a sponge.

I didn’t write yesterday. I wasn’t feeling up to it. I really wanted to, but I’m glad I made that call and rested yesterday. I needed it. I did both my journals that I do everyday, but I didn’t write any of my stories. I have plenty of time. So I’m not worried about deadlines.

So that’s all for now. I’ll keep you posted on everything. I love you guys and thanks again for the support and encouragement. I wouldn’t be here without it. Have a great day!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Big Project: My Closet Day 1

Whoo!! So glad to have day 1 of this project done. I have so much more that I want to do, but I am going to take my time. I’ve decided on decking it out. I want to stamp my personality onto it. So I’m going to decorate with some stuff I found while I was sorting through stuff and throwing stuff away, putting it into recycling, or keeping it.

So I began by taking everything out and put everything on the floor or on the bed, but without meaning to I organized everything so that I could find it later. My intention was to clean out and decide what I wanted to keep and what I wanted throw away. So I separated everything into three categories. My three categories are: One What I wanted to throw away, Second What I put into recycling, and lastly Third What I wanted to keep. I think I did a good job of all three. You will see what I mean when I show you the pictures. I’ve decided to re-line my shelves because there is a spot that is damp and it is a big spot and it’s eating away at the wood. I think because it’s damp in there moisture collected up and made it look that way, but I’m not for sure. Once I took everything out I cleaned the pipes where I hang my clothes with some window/vinegar spray and then I cleaned my shelves and that’s how I found the spot. Then I vacuumed my rug and got all the cobwebs and so on. Once I put everything into the three categories I put everything back into the closet. I really like the result. I was discussing some furniture items with my mom last night that I might purchase so I can organize my desk/office the way I want it. I’m very excited about this.

I’m tired. I have to admit. My other intention was to organize and put some of desk stuff into the closet so I have more room in my room and I want to be able to go into my closet without tripping and falling over stuff. It took me an hour or two to get everything done including the cleaning. I put on my favorite song called Sia’s Cheap Thrills and it helped me to get moving. I also burned some incense that Michael Tyler’s fiance bought for me when I lived in Winston. I burned the Jasmine one and I loved it. It smelled so good and I feel really great. I’m very excited about the result. I will show you the pictures. I’ll show more pictures once it’s all done. Yay!! I’m very proud of myself. I even dressed for the occasion.

What I learned: You wouldn’t think I learned anything by cleaning out my closet, but I did. I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I have hard time letting things go. I think that was my biggest hung up when I lived in Winston. I also learned that maybe I judged my mom too harshly. I was cleaning and sorting my stuff into the three categories when I found a card my mom had sent me when I lived in Winston. I’ve decided to hang it up in my closet. I finally brought myself to read the card and I wondered did she really love me? Did she really care about me? I started to wonder what it was like for her when I left her to move to Winston six months ago. I think I might ask her, but not today. We rarely talk about Winston. I think it’s because she doesn’t want to bring it up. She’s waiting on me to say something, but if we have that conversation it will happen naturally as all things should. If we never have that conversation I’m okay with that. I feel at peace about that. I truly do. I feel happy. My heart is happy and warm. It truly is. So here are my pictures and I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

 

My Journey; My Path: My New Walk Day 18

Good morning! I slept in a little and it was wonderful. I have so much to do today. I’ve been a little lazy this morning, but I’m going to get started on my big project. I’m doing my laundry right now and I will clean my bathtub and I will work on my closet. I’m so excited about it. Yay!!

I read my Bible yesterday. On Fridays I’m reading the four Gospels. I had already started so I just started from where I left off. I’ve been reading in Matthew and I loved it. I read two whole chapters easily and quickly. Well not too easily, but it was still nice to read. I need to set up a time where I read my Bible at the same time everyday so that I’m not putting it off till the last minute. Maybe I’ll do it in the morning. I don’t know I’ll figure out something.

So I went to work yesterday and Pam didn’t bother me once. She gave me some suggestions and that was it. I cleaned my section of the school that I normally clean and I busted my butt too. I worked hard. Everyone else including Pam was standing around not doing anything. It irritated me. It really did. I was telling my mom about it when I got home yesterday. I told her that I’m tired of it. Pam was super nice to me. I just know it’s coming. She’ll lay into me next week. I just know it’s coming. I just don’t feel good about that. I told my mom that I know I should pray about it more, but the more I think about it the more I think I should leave. I started to pray about it last night and I read my Bible and I felt better. I’m going to pray about it over the weekend and next week I’m going to call and see what Chatham County has to say. So wish me luck.

Aside from cleaning my tub and my closet I have to plan next week out and the rest of January and I’m going to do some writing as well. Next week should be an easy week because we have two teacher work days so I only have a three day week which I’m happy about it. The snow is falling starting to melt. It melted quite a bit yesterday and it will melt even more today until it’s gone. I’m so glad. I don’t want to miss anymore school because we if miss anymore school they will take our spring break away. I don’t like that, but I do because that means I’ll work. Yay! I’ll just be happy when payday gets here. 11 days till payday and 69 days till spring break. Yay!! My mom is working today and tomorrow so I’m all by myself till three o’clock. I miss her, but I’m glad to have the house to myself.

So that’s all for now. I love you guys and thanks for the support and encouragement. Because of you I now have three hundred followers which was my goal and I’m so glad I reached it. Yay!! So thank you and have a great day!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: My New Walk Day 17

Good morning! It’s Friday thank God! I’m going to treat myself today and get a pizza. No school again for us. We’ll go back on Wednesday the 24th. Today, Monday, and Tuesday are teacher workdays. Today is what they call a optional teacher work day. I’m going to try and go in at 10 if I can. Pam texted me and said the school would open at 9:30. I’m going to leave here around 9 to give myself plenty of time to get there.

Yesterday I read my Bible. I read Isaiah. Isaiah is an interesting book. There are a lot of prophecies, but Isaiah is a prophet. Well I think in our modern time he would be considered a minister or preacher. He was a good one too from what I’ve read so far. I was reading him while I was trying to calm down from a fight my mom and I had. I went outside to try and move my mom’s car for her so she could get out and go to work this morning and I got it stuck. I got out of the car and I almost fell into the snow. I was starting to go inside and my mom started in on me the minute I got to her. I started to defend myself and I said you know what here and I gave her the key. I told her she was on her own and I went into the house. I took off all my stuff my coat and everything and moved everything from door and put it on the other door and I slammed my bedroom door. I undressed and got a nice hot bath. It made me feel better and I stayed in my room. I talked myself through everything and I stayed in my room for a while. I even wrote a little bit. I read my Bible as well. I felt much better. I had my dinner when I came out of my room and I went to her my mom and I told her I was sorry for letting my temper get the better of me. She said she shouldn’t have said what she said either. I told her it was okay. I’m not saying what she did was okay, but I forgive her for what she did. You can forgive someone without being okay with what they did. I think that’s important to emphasize that because there are lot of thoughts on forgiveness, but just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you let that person back into your life and let them run over you over and over again. I forgive my mom, but I’m not okay with her making the comments she made. I’ve said it before. I still keep her in the yellow. I don’t know if I can completely trust her. I trust her more than I did, but I don’t think I can ever completely trust her and that’s okay with me. I have peace about that. So we went forward from there. She got her car out and she made it work safely this morning. We talked for a few minutes on the phone this morning and then she went to work. I think I’ll be fine, but I’ll do my best. If I can make it then I won’t go in and I’ll stay home. I have plenty around the house that I can do.

I did some writing for a book I started called In the Darkness we find the Light. I love this story and I think it’s finally shaping into something. It’s about a man who has served 25 years of his life sentence in prison and all of a sudden he starts to forget things and he can’t remember who he is or nothing. He doesn’t even remember that he’s in prison. It’s crazy, but it’s going to be a great story. I’m very excited about it.

Well that’s it for me. I have to get dressed and try to get to work. I love you and have a great day. Happy Friday!!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: My New Walk Day 16

Good morning!! I’m officially snowed in. I can’t get out. I’m going to try and get out tomorrow to see if I can get out and how bad the roads are. It’s starting to melt off the trees and I’m saying “Yay, yay it’s going away.” At least I am on the inside. I’m too tired to jump up and down. They canceled school again, but there is a teacher workday that started on a three hour delay. I told Pam I’m not able to get out so I’m not coming in. She said she’s not able to get out either so I don’t feel so bad.

I got everything I wanted to do yesterday except clean my bathroom. I didn’t catch up on my private journaling either. I finished my application for the Chatham County School system. Now I’m just waiting to hear from them, but because of the snow they probably won’t be back till Monday. I’m very excited. Yay!!

So I’m going to do everything I didn’t get to yesterday. I didn’t write yesterday so I might do that today. I started the sequel to My Life In My Own Words. I’m going to work on that today and start my other books. I have several I’ve started. I need to organize my thoughts. So I think I’ll do that today. I had a wonderday yesterday. I took a two hour nap and it was wonderful. We should all be allowed two hours in the day to take a nap. I think we would all be much happier. I watched movies and hung out with my mom. We talked and it was nice. I ended the evening by watching one of my favorite movies called Tiger Orange. It’s a great film. If you get a chance to see it you will love it.

I read my Bible yesterday and I have to tell you. I actually enjoyed it. I always looked at it as a chore as something I had to do, but I actually just sat there and enjoyed it and it didn’t seem so bad. Yesterday was Wednesday so I started to read in the book called Job. Job is a very interesting character. I can relate to him because he just had one bad thing to happen to him right after the other and he even doubted God, but he still believed in God and that God would get him through whatever he was going through. It’s an amazing story. Job is 42 chapters long. If you ever get a chance to read I hope you do. It’s amazing.

Today is Thursday so I will start with the book Isaiah. I’ll tell you what I’ve read in Isaiah when I post tomorrow. I sat down and colored coded my Bible so it would be easier for me when I’m reading for each day and to figure out what book I start with. Each day you start with different books of the Bible and you read through all of them. So here’s the schedule:

Monday- Legal books Genesis-Deuteronomy

Tuesday- Historical books Joshua-Esther

Wednesday- Poetic books Job-Song of Solomon

Thursday-Prophetic books Isaiah-Malachi

Friday- Gospel books- Matthew-John

Saturday- Rest of the New Testament- Acts-Revelation

Sunday- You read scriptures what the pastor has been preaching on. Since I have found a church yet I will take Sunday off to rest. Once I find a church I will pick up my Bible reading on that day.

I think this is a great way to read the Bible. It’s from a book called How to Study The Bible and Enjoy It. It’s by Skip Heitzig. I’m going to read the entire book eventually. My mom suggested it and I’m glad she did. It’s been really great experience so far.

Well that’s all for now. I’ll keep you posted on everything. I love you guys and stay safe and stay warm. I know several of us got snow so if you do go out please be careful and safe. Please continue to keep Megan my sister in your thoughts and prayers. She’s getting discouraged and depressed. I’m trying to encourage her as much as I can and so is my mom. We believe that if she can keep going that she will get through the treatment quicker and she will start to feel better sooner. But we also understand that this isn’t easy for her and I know about the whole depression thing, but I suffer from it as well. So any thoughts, positive, happy vibes, and prayers you can send would be wonderful. I love you guys and have a great day!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

 

Snow

I decided to post a picture of the snow. As I write this it’s falling so hard. We won’t be going to school for the rest of the week. I’m just glad we don’t have to get out tomorrow because we won’t be able to get out. It’s awful. So here’s the picture. I hate it. I hate snow. I just wish it would go away, but what can you do? You just deal with it and take it as it comes.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

I took this sitting at my desk in my bedroom. My desk faces the window and I can see it snowing. It’s coming down really hard. It’s awful. I wish it would go away.

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