Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!

Hello everyone. I know it’s been a while. Work is super crazy and I have been super tired. But enough about that. Today is a special day. Today is St. Patrick’s Day. I’ve never celebrated it, but for some reason, I decided to do so. I never even knew what the holiday was or anything like that. So today I decided to google it and I found it very interesting. The thing that fascinated me the most was that it was a Christian Holiday to honor St. Patrick, according to the research I did. I don’t know why that fascinated me so much, but it did. I hate to say this and I know it may be wrong, but I’m tired of being a Christian sometimes just because I am supposed to say the right thing and do the right thing, but I’m not. I’m not perfect. I get so irritated at people you know. “You” judge the entire “Christian group” based on how one Christian acted toward you. That is why I don’t refer to myself as a Christian anymore. For one, it’s overrated and two I prefer a different term. I prefer to be called a Christ follower. The reason I like this term is that I am a student of his word. I follow him because I have faith. Faith is the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1) Most Christians want to believe in what they see I know because I’ve seen it. I am one of those Christians. Well, I used to be. I live by faith. God has some done some really awesome things this past week and I believe that he will do anything he says he will. He has really pulled me out of the fire. I’m not saying I have it all figured out. I’m not saying that I don’t doubt myself, my sexuality, my place in the world as a woman, but what I am saying is that this: I will live by faith. Faith is what gets us through the hard times. It truly does. I see that now. I want to make a difference. I want to help others and I don’t want any glory for it. That is the difference between a “Christian” and a Christ Follower. I know many Christ followers. I have seen many, but you won’t see them in the front lines. They will be behind the scenes, suffering in silence and crying many tears. They will pray instead of worrying. They will trust and have faith in God, even though they are suffering and in pain. I’m not sure why this comes up. Maybe because of this holiday and the research I did. It’s something I feel very strongly about, but I don’t say it often because I don’t want to be a preacher. I don’t want to force my beliefs on anyone. I want to be a friend to everyone and be an encourager. I want people to see God, not me. I want people to look at me and say hey if she can do it so can I. If I can help one person I know in my heart, I will have made a difference. I don’t even care if I live to see it. I just want to help one person, at least one. I’m sure I’ve helped more than one, but even if I’ve only helped one that will make me happy.

Enjoy this day and Happy St. Patrick’s day!! I am spending the day with my mom at home resting. I had to work yesterday and I’m beat.

I love you all so much and we’ll talk again soon.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

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Brief Update

Hello everyone. Hope this post finds you well. I am going insane. Work is crazy. I still haven’t had a chance to be an operator yet. The last time I updated I told you guys that I wanted to tra different job. An operator is the one works on the machines and makes the yarn for the packers to pack, but there are no racks for the operator’s to put the yarn so I have to stay packing until there are racks which might take some time. It’s crazy. I’m tired.  I didn’t sleep well yesterday and I went to work and worked fours and came home. It was awful. I still can’t sleep. I’m going to go to the doctor. Then when I came home Megan needed more information about my taxes. I’m really discouraged about my taxes. I don’t think I’ll even get a refund at this point. I’m doing my best to stay positive. It’s been hard, but I’m trying. I’m just tired you guys. I’m so tired I can’t think straight. I wish I could have my own business so I wouldn’t have to work for someone else. I’ve always wanted to have my own business. I feel like I can’t ever get ahead. I hate it. I really do. It’s awful. I feel like I’m going ten thousand steps backwards. I feel defeated. I want to leave and find another job, but I can’t. Mom’s depending on me more and more and I feel like I’m at breaking point. Actually, I’m already there. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hope to get some sleep and go to work tomorrow and get my hours in for the week. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Any loving vibes or hugs you want to send would be most appreciated as well.

Thanks for tuning in. I love you guys.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

When the World says

 

March’s Monthly Goal

Hello, everyone. I’m sorry I have been absent. Work is crazy. We are still on mandatory 48 hours a week and I’m about to go crazy. I’m going to lose my mind. But I’m doing what I have to do to keep myself sane. So I can’t believe it’s March and I can’t believe it’s March 9th already. This month is going by fast. It’s so crazy. This month I decided not to do a goal, but then I decided that I needed to do something. So my goal for this month is this: Getting my taxes done. Since my father and I are not on speaking terms Mom and I decided to have Megan do our taxes. Mom’s were simple and she got her return. Mine however well there have been some problems. I won’t go into detail because I will complain and be negative and I don’t want to that. I’m simply letting mom and Megan handle everything and I can focus on other things.

As always I love you and thank you for being on this journey with me. Let’s have fun together.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

Update

Hello!!! How are you guys? I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last post. Life has taken an unexpected turn for me. I am considering another position at work. My bosses have really been picking on me. They have singled me out and are picking on me to the point that one day I was in tears. I am so unhappy. I considered giving my notice and quitting. Instead, I went and talked with my supervisor and he told me that Bill is going to let me try it out. Mo seems to think I can do it. He knows I work hard. He appreciates what I am doing and so does Charles. I don’t want to leave. I cried out to God and he answered. I am so glad.

It’s tax time and I am getting my taxes done today. I have to pick my mom from work and we are going to get them done. I decided to use the money to get caught up on my bills and I am going to help my sister Megan by buying the supplements that she needs. She has to stop treatment of the Lyme because she has no money for the supplements that she is taking. I am going to talk to her once I get my money back and I am going to buy her what she needs. I’m really sick and tired of Jeff not taking her illness seriously. He’s selfish and a jerk. I am not very happy with him at the moment. I’m trying not to be bitter, but it’s very hard. I just don’t understand. Maybe he’s just not capable of loving her or anyone for that matter.

I’m still not speaking with my father. I continue to pray. I honestly don’t think about him at all. I’m glad we are not speaking. I am still going to counseling, I just need a day off so I can make an appointment and go. I have my therapist picked out and everything. Even though I’m going to the counseling eventually I don’t think I’ll ever speak to him again or have a relationship. Even though I have forgiven him I just can’t let him back into my life. He has broken the trust with me that we built and I am not happy about that. He has burnt too many bridges and once those bridges have been burnt it’s hard to rebuild. You can’t rebuild them. I don’t want to. I’m done. I’m ready to let him go. I will pray for him and wish him well, but I will do no more than that. I care more about him and love him more than anything in the world, but I will not let my heart be broken again. I forgive him for myself and no one else.

On a happy note, things are going well with mom and I. Our relationship is growing stronger. She is super supportive and awesome. When I left her a note about wanting to give my notice. She was really supportive and awesome about it. I was like. What the hell? I couldn’t believe it. Also, I am starting to notice some weight loss like physically I mean. I’m noticing little changes, especially in my clothes. It’s an awesome feeling. I love it. I think the direction I decided to take has made all the differences. I’m still working on the mental and emotional stuff, but I have decided to work on the physical and didn’t know it. I get a lot of exercise at work and with my new job, I will get even more. I’m making better decisions about food too. Everything is going well. I’m finding balance, but that isn’t going to be a quick-fix. I have to get up every day and make these decisions. I can’t make the decision once and expect it to stick. I have to change my mindset. So excited. I’ll be posting a before and after picture of myself soon. Not sure when, but I will post it soon I promise.

Take care my darlings and just know that I love you and I think of you everyday!! See you soon.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

February’s Monthly Goal

Happy February to you all!! I hope February is treating you well so far. I can’t believe it’s the second day of the month already. So I gave some thought to my goal for this month. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do this month. So this what I decided on. So I’m really trying to work on exercising more now. So this is my goal: Exercise more, Find a balance between work and exercise routine. So I know you are thinking, wait didn’t you have a goal similar to this. Well, yes and no. At first, I thought I would join a gym again, but since I’ve started to work to third I find I am walking a little. I need to find a balance between work and my exercise. I will be concentrating on getting used to third again. It’s been a while since I’ve worked it so I need some time to get my body used to the schedule. It will take a few weeks for that, but since this is a short month I figured this is a good time to try it. I would like to join a gym at some point, but right now I have some other things that need to take more of a priority in my life right now. I’ve noticed some changes in my body. I think I’m losing weight. It’s not big changes, but it’s the little things that are the most important to me. It’s a success in my book. One thing I’m doing that has helped me a lot is that I’m keeping a food diary. I would highly and I stress the word highly recommend a food diary. I basically write down every day what I’m eating and what time, but also how it affects me immediately and then three hours later how I am feeling from eating this food. It’s helped me to notice that some of the food I am eating causes different effects in my body so I am working on cutting out those foods. I’m also trying each month to cut out something I would normally eat. This has not been a success as of yet, but I am going to continue to try.

If you are interested in doing a food diary I would be happy to help you and show you what I am doing. My sister Megan offered up as a suggestion to me. My mom has been telling me for a while I needed to do one as well. So feel free to comment below if you are interested. Anything I can do to help you and I both to lose weight I’m willing to do it.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

Hey, ya’ll.

Hey everybody. I’m sorry it’s been so long. It’s been six days, but that feels like forever for me. So the third shift is working out so far. I’m taking this one day at a time and figuring it out from there. I’m so happy. I am appreciated and supported. I am valued. My boss Charles tells me every day that I work with him how much I appreciated and that I am a good packer. Do I need to hear that every day? No, but it’s nice to hear it. He’s a good man and it’s nice to have his support. He understands how I feel and what I am going through. He’s truly a gem. He’s truly a diamond in the ruff as they say. My other supervisor is just as awesome. His name is Moses, but I call him Mo. Actually, most people do. I’m not sure why, but they do. He’s very sweet and he’s really cool.

Life couldn’t be better. As I stated I’m taking one day at a time. I’m off tonight and tomorrow. I hope to get some sleep and rest. I have a million things to do today, but I am going to take some time to rest today. I didn’t sleep well last night and it made for a really rough night at work last night. We are still on mandatory 48 hours. It’s been like this for a few weeks now, but it’s starting to get on my nerves. I just want to work my normal hours and go home. But I know eventually everything will go back to normal. I’m truly happy. I’m in a good place. I am not where I want to be, but I am where I am supposed to be. I’m thankful to God that I am not where I used to be. I feel like a new person. I feel different. I haven’t changed much on the outside, but on the inside, I feel so much different. I feel I have changed as a person. I feel like I’m the person I wanted to be when I first started working for Sapona back in 2010 through the temp service before I was hired on. It’s strange to think that, but it’s true.

Today I am going to pay bills and figure out what I want to do for food. Mom went shopping, but I wanted to buy some food too for work. I am getting sick of chicken so I need to find something else to eat. I’ve made a list so we’ll see what happens.

I’ll be posting my goal for this month. I’m really excited about it.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend of relaxation and peace.

I love you!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

Oh, Monday, how I love Mondays!!

I normally would hate Mondays, but this Monday is going to be great. I finally have found out when I’m moving to third shift. I called tonight to my old supervisor on 2nd shift and he finally told me an answer. I’m so grateful. I can’t wait to start the third shift on Monday. I’m looking forward to it. I think Mo and Charles are going to be a lot easier to work with and I know I will be appreciated and taken care of. I won’t have any trouble. I don’t know anyone on third and I’m not interested in getting to know anyone. I just want to pack and do my job.

I want to thank everyone who came along on my journey and has been there for me, loved me, supported me, encouraged me, and prayed for me. I truly appreciate you all so much. I’m truly happy. I feel like I am in a good place and I can finally begin to build my dreams. I’m truly excited. Please continued to stay tuned, there will be more to come from me on this journey I call my life.

Always in love,

Kathleen