Big Changes 2…

To follow up from the last blog post called Big Changes I am happy to tell you that not only am I dealing with this head-on I am going to working again. I got a job with SMX again and I will be working there until I decide what to do next. I have already applied to some jobs and I am busy at work getting ready for my new job. I have plans this week to attend safety training for the job tomorrow morning from 9-11am. I also have to tackle my room. I am going to clean everything so I can re-organize my room so I will be prepared for my new job and so I can look for another full-time position. My ultimate goal is to pay off some of the debt I have so I can go back to school in the near future. After that, I haven’t planned that far ahead. I’ve decided to take one day at a time and go from there. As I write this I am putting my schedule so I am using my time wisely. I am pressing the pause button and taking a look at my life and making the changes I want to make and making my life as meaningful as possible. I only have one life to live.

I just want to take a moment to say thank you for everything. Thank you for your love, support, encouragement, and prayers. I love you guys so much and thank you for being apart of this journey with me. I’ll keep you posted.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

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Big Changes…

Hello everyone welcome to this very interesting post. I’ll get to why it’s interesting in just a second. Let me say something else first. It’s funny how life works out sometimes. If someone had told me that when I started this weight loss journey that it would include making other changes in my life. I mean I don’t get it. I knew that I would need to deal with the mental and emotional “stuff” because it was important for the physical part. I knew I would lose weight “faster” if I worked on that first and it has helped so much. But if someone told me that this “other shit” would happen that I had to change too I would have said you were crazy. I would have said that it would have never happened to me. I guess life has taught me an important lesson: You are never too old to be betrayed. You are never too old to be stabbed in the back. You are never too old to burn bridges and have to build new ones. Well, you are asking yourselves what is she talking about? Those of us who have experienced these feelings. These feelings I’ve described above, you know all too well what I am talking about. I hope to all my readers reading this that you have never experienced this. These feelings I describe. BUT if you have then let me say this. Firstly, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you have experienced this. It’s very hard. It breaks my heart to know that this has happened to you as well as me. Second, I sympathize with you. Too many times I have experienced this and I have had to build my life over and over again. I have had to make new bridges. It’s hard work. It’s hard and then when all your hard work has been for nothing your heart breaks, even more, oh the pain. The pain my beautiful ones is a pain that can’t be described. No words can fill the void in our hearts. No words can describe the pain that has been afflicted on us. Just recently I have experienced this. I have experienced this feeling and the pain is beyond what I can handle. I burnt my bridges and I am working hard to build my life again and to build new bridges. These bridges… They are painful, full of anger, and full of regret. I have let go of the anger, BUT the regret and pain I will have to work through and I will. I will work through it one day at a time. I am at a crossroads and I don’t know what to do. This was just so unexpected. It blindsided me and I don’t know what to do. I am confused. BUT I am thankful. I am telling you as I sit here writing this that I have a grateful heart. I will be okay. I will work through this. I want to encourage you as I write this. Don’t worry about me. Just pray. Just be there like you always have been and I will be there for you. This is what our country is missing. We need to stick together and work through our issues together. We need to talk to each other with love and respect not hate, prejudice, malice, anger, and division. We need to be unified. “United we stand, divided we fall.” I’m not sure who said it, but it rings true. It really does.

I mentioned in my last update that I would become an operator with Sapona well my supervisor went back on his promise so I worked my shift and I haven’t been back since. I left. I left without giving notice. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I’m not hurt because I am. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I’m not full of regret because I am. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I am not in pain because I am. This is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. But I will give up. I will not sit down and cry. I will not sit down and get mad at God. I will not roll over and play dead. I will come out a stronger person. I will stand up and I will deal with this head-on. I recently watched a film about a Christian lady named Corrie Ten Boom. It’s called The Hiding Place. She and her family helped their Jewish friends during the Holocaust, and she and her family went to prison and finally she and her sister Betsie went to a Concentration camp.  There were many times during Corrie’s time at the camp where her faith was tested. This is what her sister told her and Corrie says it at the end of the film. It really resonated with me. She says, “There is no pit so deep, that God’s love is not deeper still.” Corrie Ten Boom This is so true. God’s love is an amazing thing. It truly is. God is with us even in our darkest moments. I hope this resonates with you and helps you as it has helped me. I have to stop worrying and let God work. It’s not going to be easy. But if you get anything out of this I hope this is what you get. I hope this is what you leave with when you are done reading this post and walk away from it to do whatever you’re doing next. This is what I hope for: Remember my beautiful ones you are never alone. You may feel alone, but you are never alone. I am here and God is here. I have sticky notes on my computer to help me remember things. This is what I wrote: Always Remember: Take one day at a time and deal with each thing head-on…. You got this babe. So proud of you!! I wrote it thinking that when I needed it, I could turn to it. I had no idea that when I wrote that on there that I would need it as much as I did, but I did need it. I need it now. We all need this. So please feel free to use it. Write it down and say this to yourself. We need to build each other up and encourage one another. That’s what I want to accomplish through my blog. I want my story to be shared long after I am gone. I don’t want to be remembered because I had a great story or that I was a great encourager. I want people to be inspired by my story so they can do something great with their lives. I want people to remember that I wasn’t trying to boast or brag on myself, but that I wanted to help other people. I want people to see and remember that I saw someone struggling just like I am and that I tried my best to reach out a helping hand and say, “Hey I’m in the same boat with you come and join me and we’ll get through this together.” And with that, I take my leave.

I love you always. You’re always in my thoughts.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

 

July’s Monthly Goal…

Good morning. As promised here’s my goal for the month. In June I decided that since it was my birthday month that I should spend more time with my family. So I planned a family dinner which turned out great. So this month I’m doing something I’ve never done before. So here is my goal: Rest and Relax. I know that sounds odd, but it isn’t. Since part of my vacation from work starts this month I decided to get some rest and relax. I don’t do it enough and I need to. My body needs to rest because it’s constantly working and not getting enough rest. I’m truly excited about this opportunity. I’m going to do some things I want to do like getting out of town for the day to just do something for myself, maybe read, or just sleep. I hope this month you will take some time for yourself and get some rest and relaxation too.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

July’s Monthly Update

Good morning, one and all. I hope this day finds you well. What a day. I can’t believe we are in July already. It feels like June has just begun. I’m so happy. God is so good. June was a wonderful month. It was full of wonderful and exciting things. I started my fourth of a July vacation break from work on Friday, June 28th and I love it. I love that I don’t have to be at work. It’s been awesome. I will go back on Monday, July 8th. On that day I will be starting a new job. I will be an operator. I’m very excited to finally try this new opportunity. I’m looking forward to it. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. I’m ready to start new adventures and fulfill some of my dreams. I’ve already started to plan them and I’m very excited. I’ll share these with you once I get my plans finalized so please stay tuned.

In other news, my family is doing well. Megan is currently in treatment for her Lyme and it’s been rough this time around. Megan wants to have a sleepover with me and I’m looking forward to that. She’s also looking forward to it. Chris and Dustin are busy with the farm. Mom is also on vacation from work. She’s enjoying not having to work. She’s mainly been resting or helping Megan (which mainly means she’s supporting her emotionally which Megan needs more than anything).  But I think we all do, don’t we?

I’m going to post my goal for the month in just a minute. Today, however, I am getting out of the house. I’m going to go to Winston. This is the second time I’ve been there since I left and I’m looking forward to it. I think it’s nice to be able to visit without having bad memories. I mean it was my home once. My place of refuge. But now I can visit and I can reflect and enjoy. I’m going to a shop in downtown Winston on Trade St. I love Trade St. It’s a beautiful place and I spent quite a bit of time there. After that, I will be eating lunch at Twin Peaks. I’m really looking forward to that.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. Stay tuned for more and wonderful things.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Birthday… My Special Day…

Good evening!! Today is a special day. Today is a beautiful day. Today is my birthday. I am 33 years old. This birthday means so much more than any other birthday. I am so excited. My mom posed the question to me: Why are you so excited about your birthday? You seem so excited about your birthday. She’s right, I am excited. A lot of it has to do with my sister Megan’s illness. I know what people think of Lyme and that’s okay. I know that people don’t believe my sister is sick, but that’s okay. I know she is. She knows because she lives it every day. My sister’s illness has brought my family together and I thank God that we are much closer than we ever have been. It brings joy to my heart. I’m truly grateful.

Today I spent the evening with my mom and my two sisters. We had a nice family dinner. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, grilled chicken, salad with all the fixings, pasta salad, and I got a chocolate birthday cake with chocolate icing. My mom bought me washable markers with Minions on them and Chris got me a card. It’s pink with butterflies on it. I felt like a little kid again and it was wonderful. We talked and laughed together and had a wonderful time. I love my family. I’m grateful to have them in my life. I thank God for them.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Leading Ladies....

June’s Monthly Goal

So I couldn’t figure out what to do about my goal for this month. I finally decided what to do. It hit me I spent the last month taking care of myself and I’m feeling really good about taking time out for me. So this month I decided to do: Spend more time with family. I decided this should be my goal because on the 15th I will be turning 33 years old. I plan to have a family dinner just my mom and my sisters this year. I really want to spend my day with them. My bosses gave me the day off so I’m planning to have dinner with my family at Chris’ house. These ladies have been through a rough few months with me and a rough year last year. They have been my rock when I needed them, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and so much more. These ladies always love me and accept me for who I am, no matter what is going on in my life or theirs. I’m looking forward to spending time with them. I’ve decided to do hamburgers and hot dogs. Everyone will be assigned what to bring and Megan can bring her own food so she won’t feel left out. I’m looking forward to it. I think it will be a lot of fun.

What are you planning to do this month? Feel free to leave your thoughts below.

I love you and we’ll talk soon….

Always in Love,

Kathleen

June’s Monthly Update

Hello everyone. Happy June to you all. I hope June is treating you well so far. So far this has been a great month for me. I’m growing so much and have learned so much. Physically, this month hasn’t been good for me. I’m recently getting over being sick. I had a rough week with being sick. I had two days at the end of May with nothing, but one migraine after another. Then on Saturday, June 1st I had an awful migraine one after the other and I got physically sick. It was not pretty. I felt so sick. I haven’t ever experienced something like this before. I’ve been sick, but this was the worst experience of being sick that I have ever felt. I can’t even describe to you how bad it was. To be honest I don’t really want to. Since then it has opened my eyes to see that I really need to eat better and take better care of myself. This shocked me, it rocked me to my core and made me realize what I was doing and that my body was trying to tell me something and that I just wasn’t paying attention. My body was finally able to get my attention. What an amazing experience for me to finally get the message and to do something. My mom has been wonderful. She’s been so supportive and she’s even suggesting things. She’s written me more supportive notes and she’s been my rock. I couldn’t have made it through this without her. Fortunately, I’m on the mend. I’m feeling much better. Oh and more good news. I went back to the doctor for my physical for work and I’ve lost another four pounds since my last visit with her. I’ve lost a total of 9 pounds. I now weigh 232 pounds. I’m so excited. I’m blessed and God has been good to me. I’m truly proud of myself. I’ve worked hard and I couldn’t be happier.

In other news, I’ve made a decision about work. I’m not going to be working at Sapona anymore. I gave my notice last night. My bosses were so unhappy. They were sad. I could tell. I was very uncomfortable, but I knew that I made the right decision. I’m going to go back to school. My goal is to go to the local community college in the fall. I’m going to pursue my dream to be a Therapist. This was a very difficult decision. I’m going to miss my bosses and the friends I have made at work, but I need to do what’s best for me. I know that everything will work out. I’m very excited. I’m quitting for other reasons as well, but this is the one I told my bosses and it also happens to be one of the main reasons too. I’m very happy. I’m sad, but I’m happy. I’ll keep you guys updated on what I decide about school and all that.

I’m off today, so I’m going to enjoy it. I’m staying home and relaxing. I’m planning a shopping trip tomorrow to buy some food so I can start cooking at home. One of my goals is to cook at home more instead of going out to eat. So far I’m doing pretty good with that. Other than that I’m not doing much of anything. I also have the monthly goal that I’m doing. I’ll post that for you in just a moment.

As always, thank you for being so supportive. I love you guys and I can’t wait to hear from you.

Always in Love,

Kathleen