Good morning. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well. I had some very strange dreams, but perhaps it stuff that I need to let go. Who knows. It might be something I ate. I don’t know. One teacher work day to get through and then I can go back to driving the bus. I’ll be glad to get back to my normal routine. I don’t know much more I can stand Pam and my co workers.
Yesterday was actually a good day, but it wasn’t. I was so bored. Thankfully Pam wasn’t there much. Even though she was she didn’t do any work from what I saw. I’m just like really. But oh well. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not like I could prove it even if I said something. I’m still praying about it, but I had a lot of time to think about it and I’m not sure what to do.
I had a day of memories yesterday. It hurt. I ended up having a good cry in my car and when I came home I listened to music in my room and had a good cry. My memories were of Tyler and the farm. I thought about how I wished I had stayed in Winston. I also thought about moving back there and living on the farm again. I had dreams about Tyler last night. I miss him. My heart aches. My heart aches for him. I want to hear his voice and give him a hug. Then I looked at the calendar and realized his birthday is tomorrow. Even though I knew that, but I’ve been debating on whether I should say something. I know I would feel better if I at least texted. Even if he deletes it or doesn’t respond I’ll feel better. I can still picture the farm as I sit here and type. I miss it. I miss my family. I miss him. I can’t believe that honesty did that. I can’t believe that being honest with someone can undo 12 years of friendship, but apparently it can. I couldn’t hold it in. I had to be honest. It’s who I am. Maybe this is all apart of it? Each month I have a goal and this month’s goal is Rediscovering myself: Finding Healing. Perhaps that’s what all this is. I’m finding healing. I hope so.
I work six hours and forty five minutes. When I come home today I’m taking a nice hot shower, taking my pills, and I’m going to treat myself to a nice hot cup of tea. And with any luck I’ll head to bed early and get a good night’s sleep tonight.
Say a prayer and wish me luck today. Have a great day and I love you. Thanks for all the support and encouragement and most of the prayers. I appreciate them all.
Always in Love,
Tyler is in the blue and Michael is in the black.