My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 161

Good morning. Thanks for the outpouring out love I received from my post about Barry and I’s relationship. Thank you for your love, support, encouragement, and for standing by me. Thank you so much. I truly love you for that. Thank you for being there. I truly appreciate you all. If you haven’t read my post called Believing in Myself please read it. The only thing I will say is this. Barry and I are friends now and I am moving from Winston-Salem. So please pray for me that I will make the right decision of where to move to and how to do that. My original plan is to move to Boone. So we’ll see what happened. All I ask is that you continue to love me, support me, encouragement me, and stand by me.

I close today and then I’m off tomorrow. I’m going to do my laundry tomorrow and then I have a store meeting and then I’m going to see my mom. I’m not going to tell anyone about my moving from Winston because of what happened with me and Barry. There’s no point. I need to pray and think about this and decide what’s best for me. I’m going to focus on myself and figure out what works best for me. I need to figure out what to do. I’m happy to close today. I’m just happy in general. God is good. I couldn’t ask for a better day. I’m so grateful. I am happy. I am positive and I am just so happy. Life is good.

Well I started the job stuff yesterday and I will continue to do some during the week. I finally finished my application for UPS. My dad is happy about that one. I’m going to look into hospitals and other things. Eventually I will look into going back to school, but that will have to be put on hold for now. Tomorrow I will take my laptop and I will spend sometime with my mom and go from there. I’m going to look into apartments. I’m thinking of heading to Boone next week on my days off and research apartments while I’m there. We’ll see. I may go to Wilmington instead. I’ll figure it out. I’m in no hurry. I can be patient a little longer. God is teaching me patience and it’s working on my nerves, but I’m learning. I will end up being a very patient person. I will. I’m very excited.

So that’s all for now. I will keep you posted on everything. No matter what I decide I know you guys will be there and you guys will be cheering me on. I’m so excited. Have a great day and I love you guys. Take care and we’ll talk soon.

Till next time,

Kathleen

Believing in Myself

Hey guys,

I was going to wait till tomorrow, but I’ve decided to tell you now. I got together with Barry today and in the end we decided to be friends. Therefore I have made an important decision. I’m going to move from Winston-Salem.  I’m going back to my original plan. I’m moving Boone. I need to need a fresh start. I need to get out of here. If Barry and I are meant to be God will bring us back together and everything will be as it should be. Everything will be fine.

I know this is the part where everyone gets mad and hates Barry and feels sorry for me, but don’t. Please don’t. Don’t hate Barry. He’s confused. He needs to figure out what he wants. He’s not ready. He thought he was, but he’s not. It’s kind of like we’ve switched places. He’s the girl and I’m the guy. It’s weird I know, but I look back and I smile. I smile because I’ve had my first kiss, my first make out session actually I’ve had more than one and it was hot, I know what’s like to be held and I fell in love for the first time. I loved someone unconditionally and they truly accepted me for who I was. I am honored that it was Barry. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never regret it. This is a big sign of growth for me. I didn’t go back to my old ways. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t get mad. I don’t hold any grudges or bitterness. I’m not going to sit here and cry a puddle of tears. I still get to have him in my life as a friend. I am honored to have him in my life. I didn’t ruin everything. I completely let go and let God do his thing. I am so proud of myself. Everything’s going to be okay. I am so glad. Thank you all for your love, support, encouragement, words of advice, prayers, and for standing by me through this time with Barry. I’ll never forget it and I made some fucking awesome memories that will help me through the hard times ahead.

Love you guys,

Kathleen

“My Walk” Day 10

Good afternoon. This is my walk from yesterday. I went back to to the Jesus Statue and prayed again. I had prayed all day for Barry. I prayed for him and our relationship again. I didn’t know then I would need it. Barry and I texted later on in the evening and we are getting together today to talk about our relationship and the future for us. I’ve prayed. The rest is up to God. I trust him. I know that I can lay it his feet and I don’t have to worry. I can trust him.

Until my next walk,

Kathleen

 

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 160

Good morning!! I slept in. It felt great. I got up and I did a little me time with the Lord this morning. It felt so good.

I had a rough day at work yesterday, but it was good because God was there. Barry and I talked a little. I know he was still upset about apartment so I tried to give him space and I just prayed. I prayed for him all day.

Today I am off work. I am going to apply to jobs. I am thinking of call the Randleman store of Goodwill about my application. I am going to unpack my stuff from when I first came to Winston-Salem. I have all my old job stuff and I am going to apply for jobs. I am going to finish my application that I started for the Package Handler. Then I am going to see Barry at five. Barry and I are going to talk. He texted me last night and I’m just really confused about how he feels. So I told him we need to talk in person. I have been and will continue to pray about it and we’ll see what happens. I don’t want you to start hating him or judging him. I am not angry nor do I hate him. I am hurt yes, but I don’t hate him and I’m not angry. I’ve decided to reserve my judgement till I know exactly what’s going on. I’ve prayed and turned our relationship over to God. He has to make the decision not me. We are his children and he loves us. Everything will work out. Everything will be fine. I am trusting God. Even if we are just friends. That’s okay with me. It really is. I am happy. I’m truly happy. I’ll keep you guys posted.

Have a wonderful day and I love you! We’ll talk soon and take care.

Love you guys,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 159

Good morning! I am wonderful. I hope you are. Yesterday was a good day for me. I had a lot of challenges thrown my way, but God was good. He helped me through each and everyone. I got to spend some time at the register and it was great. I feel really comfortable on it now. I’m very excited. I am actually getting more hours from this next schedule that she posted, but however that’s not going to stop me from finding another job. I have been in that “trap” before. What I mean is that I think oh they are giving me more hours I should stay and so I do and it ended up with me quitting the job anyway. So I just reminded myself when I saw that that I had made a promise and commitment to Barry that I would find another job so we can be together. I want to be a woman of my word and keep my promises whether it’s Barry or someone else. I’m trying, but it’s hard, but I know I can do it. So in my post “My Walk” Day 9 I posted this, but I will post for you guys in case you didn’t read that post. Barry didn’t get the apartment he wanted. He told me at work. Well being a “Wyatt” I want to fix everything. So I immediately stepped in with a solution. I left work and went home. I was watching a movie that Barry let me borrow and I started to bawl my eyes out. I kept praying and just crying. I finally wrote a piece about it. I hadn’t written in a while, but I needed to. I shared this with him and we texted back and forth as well. I asked if I could come by and he said I could. So I did and spend some time with him. He told me the story again and we talked it through. I listened. I told him how I felt and I told him I meant it. I told him that if he needed to he could come and live with me. We could get a two bedroom apartment. I told him I knew it was wrong, but I basically told him I didn’t want him to be homeless. I told him I just wanted to hold him so I did. We kissed, but mainly I just wanted to hold him. I told him to lean on me that I was right here and so he did. I ended up at one point falling asleep in his arms. I felt so good. It felt reassuring. I finally left around 12 in the morning. We hugged. We made out. Nothing happened. We talked some more and I told him to talk to me. I told him some other things and I left. I got a shower and went to bed. He’ll find a place. I know he will. I’m just angry that no one will give him a second chance. I asked my mom to pray for him. I asked everyone to pray for him when I wrote my piece about my walk yesterday. I am going to continue to pray. I know God will help him. I trust him and put my faith in him.

I am doing a mid-shift today. I got in at 10:30 and get done at 6:30. I’m off tomorrow and I’m going to do some hard core job hunting. I am going to dig my job stuff out from when I first decided to move to Winston and see if I can find something there. I told Barry I needed to get serious about the job hunting last night. I decided that on my days off I will search for jobs and apply all day for the most part and then during the week when I have to work I will also search too and try to make time for Barry and I to see each other. I want to make him a priority. I want to see him. For now we haven’t told anyone. I’ve told my mom not to say anything to my dad or my sister Megan. I told her she could talk to Christa my oldest sister about it. We are going to keep a low key till I can get a job. I want to once I get a better paying job and get established to help Barry get a car.

Well that’s all for now. I hope you guys are well. I love you and take care. We’ll talk soon. Have a wonderful day.

Love you guys,

Kathleen

 

“My Walk” Day 9

Good evening I wanted to share my walk today. I decided to go to this one place near where my Myrtle Crepes are and parked my car under a tree. I saw a car and so I walked over to the grave near the right side of the tree. I gave a moment of silence for both graves. I took pictures of the trees. They are beautiful. There’s something peaceful about them. I saw this same car when I left and I think the person actually I think it was a lady who saw me take pictures of the trees. I’m hoping she doesn’t report me to the office. I’m probably imagining things, but to be on the safe side. I won’t take anymore pictures. I’m so glad I went there. Today was a good day at work, but crazy. I didn’t realize that I would need this walk today because when I got back to work I was heard the worst news ever. I talked with Barry before I left and he told me he didn’t get the apartment he wanted. I offered to have him stay with me if he wanted. I explained that this was an option and that there was no pressure. I wanted to express myself more, but I was at work. So I left went to the store and came home. I’ve been bawling my eyes out since I got home. I was watching a movie Barry let me borrow and I started to start. I started top pray and I haven’t stopped praying. Please pray he finds a place to live. I don’t want my man to be homeless. I love him so much.

Until my next walk,

Kathleen

“My Walk” Day 8

Good morning. My walk yesterday was wonderful. I had such a good time. I took some pictures. I went back to where I first saw the Myrtle creeps on my very first walk. I walked up to them and actually smelled them and walked around and looked at them. We had a downpour of rain yesterday here in Winston and my myrtles made it through. They still had all their flowers on them. It was amazing to me. I walked through the pathway and there’s this building with graves in it where people can put flowers. They have a chapel like thing where they hold services. I almost went in, but I didn’t. I didn’t take pictures either because I felt like I wanted to be respectful. It was beautiful. There was like these Chandeliers there and they were beautiful. They weren’t too big, but big enough. It was beautiful. I left and went back to work. I felt so peaceful and my day at work just got even better. In one of the pictures you can see the building I was talking about.

Until my next walk,

Kathleen