My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 19

Good morning!! As you probably have guessed I didn’t sleep well last night. It took me an hour to get home and after that I had to get stuff ready. I was able to get to sleep right away which is strange. I guess I’m just that tired. I’m so tired I can’t see straight. Oh man. Ugh! I hate this. However it’s Friday. Thank God! So my mom and I have been talking throughout the week and we’ve decided to move the move in date up. So tomorrow is the big day. Today I have to call and have everything cut off like my internet and my power. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to move.

Yesterday was a good day. Most of the kids behaved. I only had three that were just acting crazy. But that’s normal for teenagers I guess. But everything is going well at work so far so good as they say. I’m still thinking about the job stuff. I got a notification about other job. It’s good money and it’s in High Point and it’s for a company called Massage Envy. I’m going to apply for it at least and see what happens. If the money is right and it’s a good position then I’ll probably take it if offered. I have to get the interview first. We’ll see. I’ll keep you posted on that. Tonight when I get home. I have to pack and then I have to get to bed early because I’m getting up at six. My mom is coming up early to help me pack. I’m going to organize everything that I want to take and she and I are going to do my laundry as well. We both need to actually so we’ll do that too. Sunday I’m going to sleep in and then I’m going to get my physical done for work so I can get it out of the way.

I love you guys and have a great day. Take care. We’ll talk soon.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

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My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 18

Good morning. Oh man I can’t wait to move. I hate this commuting back and forth. I also can’t believe that it’s Thursday. Tomorrow’s Friday. Oh man. I wish I could jump up and down. I’m so happy and excited. I’m just so damn tired I can’t. I’m just so happy. I had a good talk with my mom last night and I may stay with my job at the school. I haven’t decided yet. I can’t decide if she’s manipulating me again or if she actually offering me good advice. The jury is still out on that one. This is the hard part. I want to trust her, but it’s so hard to know. I think once we are living together I can be a better judge of that. So for now I will keep things in the yellow. So like I said the jury is still out on that one.

Yesterday was with the kids on my bus was much better. They are actually listening to me a little bit and they are starting to show a little respect. I can’t believe it. I think I’m finally starting to get through to them. I’m so happy and so glad. Yay!! I want to jump up and down, but again I’m so tired that I can’t. I’m still reading. I love it. I’ve started a new series. Well to me it’s a new series. I haven’t read them. It’s Nancy Drew Mysteries. I like it so far. I know it sounds childish to read a kid’s mystery series, but my sister Chris read them when I was growing up and I was never interested in reading them then. I couldn’t sit myself down to read them, but now I love it. I can sit there and read and enjoy it. I have several mystery series from the children’s section of the library that I want to read. I’m so excited about it. I did finally finish Nicholas Spark’s Two By Two. I loved it. Even though it brought up a lot of memories for me I enjoyed reading it. It was wonderful. It helped me a lot in a time when I needed it and even though it triggered a lot of memories and emotions for me I found a way to deal with it insteading of holding my feelings in so I think it’s just what I needed to help me grow. I’m figuring things out and I’m making things work. I think we all have rough patches in life and that’s just life. Life just sucks sometimes, but eventually you pick yourself back up and your forward with life. That’s life and you have to.

My mom and I talking about her coming up on Saturday instead and then we’ll get the furniture later for the move which is fine with me. We’ve paid the rent and got the keys and I don’t have to turn my keys until the end of the month so that’s exciting. Yay and double yay!!

I’ll keep you posted about the job stuff. I love you guys and thanks for supporting me and being my rock when I needed it most.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

 

My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 17

Good morning. I had a awful dream about snakes. I couldn’t get back to sleep very well and then my alarm went off. I hate that. I can’t wait for the day I will get a good night’s sleep. I hate this. Yesterday was the best day I had with my kids on my bus. I took my mom’s advice and I didn’t say anything to them and they sorted things without me. Towards the end of my route I had to step in and say something, but they listened. Wow!! They listened to me. Well they did in the moment, but the point was they listened. I also went to Mrs. Lindsey yesterday morning and explained about the day before yesterday on the bus and their behavior. So I’m going to just say nothing and let the kids sort things out for themselves and then I have to I’ll step in. I think that might actually work. I’m tired of them not listening and disrespecting me so I’m going to let them sort it out themselves and I’ll step in when I need to.

I applied to three jobs yesterday through Randolph County Schools. I’m going to apply for some more and call another today. I’m taking my laptop and going to the library. I’m so excited with the possibility of leaving. We’ll see what happens.

Have a great day everyone and I love you!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 16

Good morning! I didn’t sleep well. It was weird. I’ve come to a decision. I am going to apply for another job.  I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to make the best of a situation that I can’t do anything about and change anything. I just don’t have the patience for this anymore. I’m tired of not being supported and I feel like I’m drowning and no one is helping me. I hate my job and nobody cares about me. My kids hate me. (Surprise, surprise) and my anxiety is through the roof. I’m not getting enough sleep and I can’t drive the bus. I’m tired all the time. I was so tired last night it took me forever to clean my section. I won’t get any sleep this weekend because I’m moving and my sister and her boyfriend aren’t going to be able to help us after all so my mom and I are moving everything by ourselves. I’m done ya’ll. This is week 3 at my job and I hate it. I feel alone and empty. But I will not give up. I will apply for another job and I will find what’s right for me. I will stay and do the job and I will find a way to keep moving forward. How? I don’t know, but I will make it happen. I will keep fighting. I’m tired of that little voice that tells me I’m a failure and that I can’t do anything right. Because one it’s not true. Yes I can. I can do a lot of things right. Not all my choices are bad ones. I’m not a failure. I’m a living, breathing, human beings with feelings and emotions. I’m made of flesh and just beautiful things. I am a beautiful person. For years I believed this little voice that said I wasn’t, but I am. I don’t care what others think. I am beautiful. I am loved and I am beautiful.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 15

Good morning! I made it to bed early. I felt horrible yesterday. I had a headache, but I still got everything done yesterday. I even wrote some yesterday. It was awesome. I’m so excited. I truly am. Ugh! It’s Monday. I hate Mondays, but this is my last week in Winston. I get to move this weekend. I’m so excited. 6 more days till I move. I am so looking forward to moving back home. I am looking forward to waking up everyday in the trailer and being there in nature. I am looking forward to coming home there every night with peace and quiet. I don’t have to worry about noisy neighbors. I don’t have to worry about neighbors headlights coming through my window at all hours and waking me up or keeping me awake. I’m so excited about that part. I could sit here and tell that I could have made it work and all that, but I can’t because I can’t and I don’t want to. I’ve been living in Winston-Salem for almost 8 months now nothing has gone right. I’ve learned a lot of lessons and I’m a better person than I was before. I’m stronger and I know how to deal with situations better, but that doesn’t help when the bills come in and I had a job I couldn’t afford to eat or go anywhere. I couldn’t leave the house because I was afraid of the gas I use. I was back in Asheboro all over again with my mom feeling the exact same feelings. That’s not right. That’s not healthy. So I’m not going to bore you with a tearful story about how I’m going to miss Winston-Salem and all that because I’m not going to miss it. There are certain things I will miss, but for the most part I will not miss it at all. I am so glad to be moving. I feel like a patient who is entering rehab for the first time. I’m excited, scared, nervous, and I know that this won’t fix everything. It won’t make the debt I’m in go away. I know that my mom is going to help me as much as she can, but I still have responsibilities. I made commitments to help her with half the rent and half the power. I have to do a lot of things. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. I have to move forward with my life. I have to keep going and not give up. I have a wonderful set of cheerleaders cheering me on and rooting for me. I have to keep going and I will. Today is a new day to start over. Today is a second chance to do things right. Yay!!

Have a great day and a great week. Happy Monday. I love you guys!!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

This is awesome. Thanks Brandon!!

You reading this, I want to let you know greater things are on the way. There is no right or wrong. No one knows what the future holds for you. Your life is created by the hands in front of you. If I gave you a drawing to color in. Would you carefully color […]

via Quote #24 — Chaotic Shapes

Please read and share this with others. This is awesome stuff and it’s so true. It really is. Brandon speaks the truth here and it is wonderful advice. Thanks Brandon for always posting things I truly need to hear. I love you for it. Keep on keeping it on as they say. I love you and thanks again my beautiful friend.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

 

My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 14

Good morning. I didn’t get much accomplished yesterday. I was really tired so I got the rest I needed. I took a nap and I slept for a while. I did take a drive for a while because I needed to get out of the house. It was nice. I just hated having to come back to my apartment, but it won’t be for much longer. 7 days and I will be out of here. My last week  here. Next weekend I move. I can’t wait. Thank God!! I did write a little yesterday. It was so nice to start writing my book again. I’m so excited. I also got my period yesterday and I was miserable, but like most things it will pass. It rained yesterday here in Winston and it was nice. I love the rain.

Today I’m okay. I didn’t sleep well because of my period and because of what I ate, but today I got up and started with dishes and cleaned the sinks. I’m going to start cleaning the rest of the kitchen, then the bathroom and I’m going to vacuum my room so I can pack and sort everything. I’m going to make donations of stuff. I have to. I can’t take all this with me. It’s too much. Second I have to sit down and plan out next week. Third I need to catch up on my journaling. I haven’t journaled on my computer for a week. I’m going to use my blog posts to help me so I can fill in the necessary pieces. Lastly I’m going to write. That thought excites me.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out to me yesterday. I truly appreciate it. I grew up yesterday and I am so honored to have such wonderful friends. You are my family. I wrote a post for you called Blessed. Take sometime to read that today and remind yourself that you are a pretty awesome person because you are. Thanks for being my rock when I needed you. I’m going to be okay. This isn’t the roughest patch I’ve ever been through. This isn’t the first time things have gotten bad and I have felt like giving up, but I can’t. I can’t give up. I’ve come this far and I have to see it through. It’s in my nature. I’ve always been that way. I received some beautiful advice this morning from Brandon. He’s a wonderful person. I admit I don’t read his blog too often, but when I do it’s always at the time I most need it. Brandon is a wonderful person as I said and his blog is pretty awesome. I hope you will visit him sometime. His blog is called Chaotic Shapes by Brandon Knoll. I’ll share his blog post today that really helped me. I hope it will help you as well.

Thanks again for the support. I love you guys and have a great day today!!

Always in Love,

Kathleen