My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 47

Good afternoon. I hope this post finds you well. What are you guys up to today? It’s Friday and thank God. I’m so grateful. I get paid today and I’m so glad. Fridays are always good days. It means the end of the week and you can rest and relax and look forward to the weekend.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who visited my blog yesterday. The love and support I received from my two pieces yesterday was astounding. I truly appreciate your love and support. It means the world to me. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t plan to write, but I just decided that it was time. Your healing doesn’t always come when you expect it to. I am always looking for a way to heal from things in the past and it always comes, but it never comes when I want it to. But it never crossed my mind until just now that maybe the healing comes when it’s supposed to. Everything has its time and place so shouldn’t the healing have it’s time and place to for when it’s supposed to come? My answer is yes it should. Everything has its time and place for when it’s supposed to come so this is no different. So from the bottom of my heart thank you….

Yesterday was a good day. I had a chance to call my dad. He made me mad a little bit, but I’m proud of myself for being able to work through it and move forward. My dad is very forgetful and he forgot that I was coming down to see him for his birthday. I can understand that to some degree. What bothered me was that he wanted Megan and I to come together and he was trying to plan it out. I finally told him that I didn’t want to start anything or be nasty about it, but that I wanted to come down and spend time with him just the two of us and that I was taking the time off that I was to come down. He didn’t seem to happy about that, but I don’t care. Besides I know he won’t remember this today anyway so I’m not worried. I discussed it with my mom, but Megan isn’t able to travel right now. There is a lot a stuff Megan would have to do to make a trip like that and she just can’t do it right now. She’s getting better, but she’s not up for a 7 to 8 hour road trip in a car. My dad doesn’t understand the severity of her disease and that it limits her to do so many things like traveling and so forth. Maybe once she’s in remission she could, but just because she’s getting better doesn’t mean that she can take a road trip. She is getting better and she able to do more than she did, but she still has a long way to go. But I’m proud of myself for the way I handle it. He may not like it, but I don’t care. I’m a young woman with her own feelings and emotions and opinions and I have the right to voice them.

Today I am heading back to work. Mom is supposed to be going over to see Megan. She probably needs mom to help her with dishes and so forth. Megan and I were texting back and forth just a few minutes ago and she doesn’t sound like she’s having a good day. I can tell from the texts now whether she’s doing good or not. She had a few good days and then she’ll have bad days. Her dizziness is worse when she’s having her period. I’m not sure why, but that’s just the way it is. Mom can go over today and help her. Otherwise Megan is doing okay. She has her bad days and her good days. She’s got her flush coming up again soon and she has two more Colon Therapy visits. I hope that she’ll let me go with her to those appointments. I want to support her and help her as much as I can. Once school starts I won’t be able to help too much.

I just wanted to let you know too that I won’t be posting anymore smoothie recipes. I haven’t made any in a while. The last one I made was a peach/pink lady apple one. It was good. I’ll post that one today, but after that on Fridays I won’t be posting anymore smoothie recipes. I think instead I’ll post sneak peaks of items I am working on so that you’ll have something to look forward to when I write tomorrow about what book I am doing next.

That’s all the news for now. I’ll keep you updated. Until next time I love you and I’m here for you. Please stop by anytime to chat. I would love to meet you. Have a great evening and a great weekend.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

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LGBT Community….

This is a community that is at my heartstrings. It has been there for many years. I always wondered why my love for this community was in/at my heartstrings. I haven’t found the answer yet. I am on my journey/path to figure that out. I can’t wait to find out what the result will be.

I want to point out to you something. Most of my fellow bloggers and friends know this. I am a Christian. What?! You’re a Christian and you’re talking about this. Oh my goodness. What?! Okay enough of that. Yes I am a Christian, but I do not shove the Bible down people’s throats. I promote Love not Hate. Love and not Hate is what is going to bring our country back together. Love is where Unity can come in and we need Unity. Hate, Bitterness, and Resentment will only blind us, it will blind our country. It truly will and it already has.

I love the LGBT Community. I love it very much. I love it more now because for a short period of time I was a member of that Community. I still feel apart of that Community. I will never feel the same way I did before I was a member. I wanted to be there friends I wanted to talk with them and share with them the Love of Jesus by being there friend, BUT NOW…. But now that I have been a member of this Community I can’t say that anymore. Yes I went back into the closet and yes I still struggle with these feelings, BUT NOW…. But now I can say that I love this Community even more than I did and I am determined to love and accept them because they deserve it. They deserve unconditional love. They don’t need me or anyone else shoving a Bible down their throat. I will not do that. I have never done it and I will never do that to anyone. Never…

So how do I… How can I be a Christian and love someone who is Lesbian, Gay, BI, and Transgender? How can I reconcile that with my faith in God? I’ve decided here and now that I can’t. I don’t believe that when I came out a year ago in April 2017 that God abandoned me. Even though I didn’t attend church regularly and didn’t read my Bible regularly God was with me each step of the way because I asked him to be. I was still confused and I needed help. I asked God to help me on my journey/path to figuring all of this out. I know God is answering that every single day. It is time for me to ask him some hard questions and ask him to help me find the answers I am looking for. I know that I can share this with you because I know many of you are apart of this beautiful Community of people. I know you will understand and you will respect me as I go on my journey and you will support me. You will stand beside me, pray for me, and love me unconditionally with no limits, no conditions, and no judgements. That is my love for everyone whether they are straight or LGBT. I love everyone unconditionally. I choose to show everyone who I am. My faults and all and I hope that in the midst of that they see God and my love for him and they come to accept him as savior. That is my goal. That is my lifetime achievement/goal. I just want to love and be loved.

Wish me luck on my journey. I am going to have to ask some hard questions. I will be taking myself back to where this all first started. I’ll never forget that day. I can’t wait. It won’t be easy, but I can’t wait to see what the result will be. I can’t wait….

Journey to be continued….

Always in Love,

Kathleen

A Year Ago Today….

A year ago today I wrote Tyler and email that would forever change my life. Today marks Michael’s birthday. Michael is Tyler’s fiance. I wrote and said how I thought Michael didn’t like me, but that I found out that he did. I believe it is that email and ruin my friendship with not only Michael, but with Tyler. I knew someday I would say something or do something that would push someone I loved away. I couldn’t help, but think about it.

Michael and I are still friends on facebook and it showed up on my facebook page. I told my mom that I wrote him a message on his facebook to wish him a happy birthday. It wasn’t anything special. It was just a way for me to move on. I have to let go. I’ve decided that once Tax time comes around again I will pay Tyler back. Tyler lent me money when I was living in Winston so I could move into my apartment. I also owed money from when I lived at the farm with him. I feel that I should pay him back. I feel I need to do that so I can move on. I’ll never forget Tyler, but I need to accept that he and I are no longer friends. I’m also planning to email him and let him know that I will pay him the money back. I’m going to tell him that I leave it up to him whether he wants to be friends or not. After that I will no longer attempted to contact him.

I’ve written several emails, but I haven’t sent them. I’ve written them for me so I could get my emotions and feelings out. It has helped me so much to write these. It has been a truly grand and great healing experience for me. That is why I write this today. I wanted to cry and maybe I will…. Sorry the tears are coming as I write. I don’t want to be hurting. I don’t want to be in pain. I don’t want to not have Tyler or Michael in my life, but I had to be honest about how I felt. Maybe honest isn’t the best policy. I wish it was. But I am hurting. I am in pain. I’ve lost the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I truly wish I hadn’t written that email, but I can’t take it back. It has taught me a valuable lesson: Choose your words wisely because you can’t take them back. I continue to learn this lesson everyday of my life, but I am learning it.

I move forward from today I will do my best to be a better person. I truly will. I will do my best to live in the present and look forward to my future. Today I let the past go and I will learn from it and move forward. I walk toward the light. So many people need me. My family needs me. My friends needs me. I am needed for myself. I have so many dreams to chase, goals to accomplish, and a life to live to the fullest. God has blessed me and I am good. He has helped me and no matter what should happen from here on out God will be with me each step of the way…

Always in Love,

Kathleen

P.S. Tyler and Michael. Tyler is in the blue shirt and Michael is in the black shirt. A picture taken at the farm long before I moved. The farm was still being renovated.

My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 46

Good afternoon everyone!! How are y’all doing today? What are your plans for today? Are you working or maybe you’re on vacation perhaps? I would love to hear what your plans are.

I went to bed around one this morning and I slept in a little bit. I went to see my oldest sister Christa and we had lunch together at Elizabeth’s in Siler City. We stopped by to see Megan for a little bit, but she wasn’t feeling well so we didn’t stay long. It was nice to see Chris and have lunch together. She took me for a late birthday lunch. It was really nice. I had a great time. I always enjoy my time with my sisters. I don’t get to see Chris much because of her work so in the summer it’s nice to get a chance to see her. Megan I don’t get to see much because of the Lyme so when I do get to see her it’s nice and I cherish the time I have.

I’ve decided to take this week off and next week I will start my job searching. I’m hoping to find something quickly and soon as possible. I want to plan ahead for September’s bills. I’m hoping with my paychecks from SMX that I will be able to pay the rest of August’s bills with that. Now that my TFC student loan is paid off I can put my money towards paying some other bills off and I can pay Tyler back. I know I don’t have to, but I want to. I don’t want that hanging over me and until I do I don’t think well actually I know that’s why I haven’t been able to move on. Even though I don’t want to lose Tyler as my best friend I feel that I have to let go. I have to say goodbye and for good. I think when I sent the ecard for his birthday was just the start I think this will finish it and then I can move forward. I will never able to forget everything he did for me, but I will take the lessons he taught me and apply them to my life.

Today I’m pretty much doing nothing. I did the dishes when I got home from seeing Chris and Megan. I promised myself that I would get the dishes done. I know Mom will be grateful even if she doesn’t say it. I’m going write a little bit and I’m going to do some journaling. I’m also going to study for the MBLEx. I’m truly excited about that. Mom and Megan are the only ones I’ve told so far other than you guys. I’m truly excited.

So I got some scary news when I came home from my sister’s house. Apparently there’s a fox running around in my neighborhood that is positive for rabies. I know it’s very unlikely that I’ll get bit or even seen him, but the thought of it scares me. I’m a nature lover. I love to be outside. I love to hike, bike, and take long walks and stuff. I did that alot when I lived with Tyler at the farm. But now with the ticks and then with this I just don’t want to go outside anymore. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Please share your experience. I would love to hear about it. I’m just scared and I shouldn’t be, but it’s just so fucking scary. I’ve never would have thought of something like this would happen and now that it has it’s just weird and very scary.

I’m also need some help with something. I’m going to see my dad in August and I want to make him something. I’m going to do a big poster board with pics of him through the years and I’m going to put his favorite sayings and things like that. I just don’t know how to arrange everything. Any tips or suggestions would be great. I want to say thank you in advance for any help you can give me. It would mean the world to me. It really would. I just wanted to do something different.

Well that’s all the news for now. I’ll be back on Friday to update you more on things. Until next time I love you and I’m proud of each and every one of you. If I can do anything to help you in anyway please don’t hesitate to ask. Take care and have a great day!

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 45

Good afternoon everyone!! How are you guys?! I’m excited. It’s Monday so that means I’m off tonight and boy am I happy. I’ve been sick since Saturday/early Sunday morning and then all day Sunday and most of Sunday night. I’m just glad to be feeling better today. Have you ever had a headache so bad that it makes you want to throw up? I had that last night. It was awful trying to work. I had it most of the night last night into this morning. It finally broke. I’m feeling much better. It all started Saturday night/ early Sunday morning I was at work and I got a migraine. I threw up at work and asked to go home. They let me leave and I went home. I went home and I ended up having four or five mini migraines back to back and it was awful. They just kept coming. It was like someone was punching me and just kept punching me and punching me. I finally was able to sleep it off. But when I woke up Sunday afternoon around 3 I felt terrible. I finally took some medicine and 4 and got ready for work. I suffered through it and worked with a headache. It was awful. I thought I was going to throw up again, but my headache finally broke through early this morning and I feel so much better. I was telling my mom about it and I’m going to start eating better and not eating out. I’ve learned my lesson. If I eat at home then I don’t have to worry about what chemicals or other crap they are putting in my food. So I’m only doing meat, fruits, and veggies. I made a peach/lady apple smoothie. I’ll share that with you on Friday. I’ll let you know then how it tastes. I finally went to bed at around 10 this morning and slept till around 2pm. It felt good to sleep. I did cheat and had cheese, but I won’t have it again till next month. I’m allowing myself cheese once a month. I think I’ll have a better chance of not having a migraine if I do it that way.

So today I’m going to sit down with my mom and discuss what bills I’m paying and so on. I promised her that when I got my retirement money from the school that I would sit down with her and discuss with her how I was going to spend it. I sat down and figured everything out and I laid everything out for her and I can pay most of July and August’s bills. I’m even able to take out $200 dollars for my trip to Florida to see my dad in August. I’ve also decided that if work calls me and wants me to work a shift during the week that I’m going to do it for one day so I can have a little extra in my paycheck. Otherwise I’ll keep working. I’ve applied for the days off that I wanted, but I haven’t heard anything yet. I’m going to give them a week or two and then I’ll check in to see if I got the time off I wanted. I’ve got everything worked out so far. I’m also looking into a part-time job for the school year. I may go ahead and start that job as soon as possible. I want to keep some money flowing in till I start getting paid from the school. I’m trying to think ahead for September’s bills. I’m also going to catch up on my journaling today and I’m going to write some more my book Stanton Corporation. I’ll post more about that on Saturday.

So that’s all the news for now. I love you guys and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Also send me some loving vibes as I look for a part-time job for the school year. Thank you again for the love and support you guys have shown me. The outpour of love and support from my fellow bloggers and followers has been overwhelmingly good. So thank you…

Have a great day and I’ll see you Wednesday.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

Saturday’s Post: New Book

Hi everybody!! I’m so excited. Today is Saturday and I finally feel good. I’m finally over my headache and I got some rest today. I feel terrific. I feel ready to go in for another night of work. It’s an awesome day. We had a storm last night and we had some rain and it’s very cool here. It feels great. I walked outside and I felt it. It’s not cold, but it’s not hot. It’s just right. It’s wonderful. It feels like Spring. It’s just fucking awesome.

So as promised I told you I would tell you about my book. Thank you to everyone who liked, viewed, and commented on my post about the sneak preview of my book. I’ll put the link here so you can see it if you missed it the first time around. Here’s the link: My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 44. That made me feel like a million bucks. I truly appreciate you. There are no words to describe how much I appreciate you for your love and support. It means a hell of a lot.

This book is inspired by a show called Dynasty. It’s an old show from the 80’s that’s been rebooted and a movie called Gifted. I chose these two because they spoke to me the most and the story just came to life. I’m truly excited. I got the idea for the main character Michael from the show Dynasty. His name is Steven Carrington. I got the idea for Anna’s character from the movie Gifted. The rest I just… I wish I could say it just came out of me.

The title of the books is called Stanton Corporation. I chose that for the title because that’s Michael’s last name and it’s also what he does for a living. Stanton Corporation is the family business and everyone in the family works there.

I can’t express my excitement to you, but I’m going to try. I’m truly excited about this. I can’t believe it’s actually happening to be honest. I might actually finish this an and publish it. So before my excitement gets out of hand I’ll tell you more about the story.

So the book is about a family named Stanton. There is Stanford, Michael, Taylor and Thomas. Stanford is the father, Michael is the oldest, Taylor is the middle child, and Thomas is the youngest. They are going along and everything is fine. They are rich and never have to want for anything. Michael is used to getting what he wants and doesn’t have to work for it until Anna comes along…. Once he meets Anna his whole life changes and it’s that change that makes him the man who was meant to become.

Anna’s character has autism. She’s very smart, but she has the IQ of a five year old which makes her unpopular with everyone except Michael. Michael and Anna can relate to each other because of Michael’s past which I will explain in my book. I don’t want to give anything away so I’ll let your imagine think on that one. I’m still on the first chapter, but it’s really coming along. I’ve decided to write during the week while I’m off and then take the weekends off because I’m working and I need to rest.

This book is really taking shape and I’m truly excited about it. Any suggestions, feedback, or comments would be greatly appreciated. I love you guys and thanks again for the support and the love. I’ll keep you updated. Until next time. Have a great day! Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Always in Love,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Adventure Day 44

Good afternoon. I hope this post finds you well. I had a headache most of the day and I couldn’t get to sleep very well. I finally made a third cup of tea and fell asleep around nine thirty or so. I’m feeling a little better. I’m working tonight. Oh man. I really want to call in, but I have to because otherwise my check will be lousy if I don’t. Next week’s check will only be for two days. Oh well it’s only a summer job. It will be alright.

Yesterday was a good day. I rested and just hung out. I’ve been doing some writing on my new book which I’ll share with you guys tomorrow. I’m going to give you a sneak peek into it today. Let me know what you think in the comment box below. I would love your feedback. I’m truly excited about this. I believe my excitement will show through.

I’ve posted all my smoothie recipes for you and my post about my sister and her appointment I went with her on Tuesday. I’ll post the links here for you as well so you can read them.  Strawberry Apple Smoothie Recipe, Blueberry Apple Smoothie Recipe, Raspberry Apple & Banana Apple Smoothie Recipes, and “Megan”.  I can’t wait for you guys to read them. Some of you already have read them and commented. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I would truly appreciate your feedback and suggestions on the Raspberry apple and Banana apple recipes. I want to make them again and I’m looking for ways to improve them.

So other than that there’s not much news. My family is doing fine. Dad is working hard. I’m still trying to get some dates together so I can go down in August to see him for his birthday. I’m sitting down Monday to get my finances straightened out so I can go. Chris and Dustin are doing well. They are getting some more animals and the farm is coming into shape really quickly. I think they are both pretty excited about it. They are settling into their new house and I think they really like it there. Mom just got home from work. She’s not working Saturday so I know she’s happy. She is going to ice her back and shoulders this weekend. She’s very sore from her job. Other than that she’s fine.

So here’s the sneak peak I told you guys about from my new book. I hope you enjoy it.

Tory heard the phone ring and rolled her eyes. “Yes?” Tory said angrily. It was Sabrina. She called to tell her the equipment that Mr. Parker gave the department was broken. Tory started to cuss. Anna knew that when she did that she was really mad. “We’re on our way.” Tory hung up disgusted. “The equipment that Mr. Parker gave us is broken.” Tory said shaking her head. They both headed out the door. Tory came out last slamming the door behind her.

When Tory and Anna arrived they found Stanford, Michael, Taylor, and Thomas downstairs along with Veronica. Sabrina walked over and talked to Tory. They started to talk. Anna walked over and saw the equipment. She started to cry. Veronica snickered in the background. Anna heard her mumble something under her breath about her. All of a sudden the light switch came in. Meanwhile Tory and Sabrina were talking. “I don’t know what to do. Should we call him?” Sabrina asked. Anna turned around with tears in her eyes and ran at full speed toward Veronica. Frank saw her and ran in front of her. Sabrina and Tory turned around and tried to help Frank hold her down. Anna was trying to get to her. Veronica backed away quickly. “I hate you. You stupid bitch!! You broke our equipment. I’m going to make you pay. I promise you will pay!!” Anna screamed at the top of her lungs. Michael turned and looked at Veronica. “It’s true isn’t it? You broke this equipment and blamed it on Anna.” Michael said. Veronica didn’t answer. She was still too stunned to speak. Anna continue to squirm. “Baby girl stop. It’s okay.” Tory said to her, but it didn’t seem to help. She continue to try and get out of Frank’s grip, but he had tight hold on her. He knew that when she was upset like this she would do anything. He knew that she would kill Veronica. “You better answer him. I don’t know much longer I can hold her.” Frank said sharply. He looked over at Veronica and then back at Anna. Veronica looked from Frank to Michael. She was scared, but finally she found her voice. “Yes.” She said her voice shaking. Michael walked over to her at full speed and smacked her so hard she fell to the ground. Veronica started to cry. Taylor, Thomas, and Stanford looked on in disbelief. Michael ignored them and walked toward Anna. “Frank let her go.” Michael said. “She’ll kill her Michael.” Frank said. “Let her go.” Michael said again. Frank slowly let his grip go and to their surprise she stayed still. Michael walked over to her and put his hand on her face. He brushed her cheek. “Baby.” He said. She looked at him and fell to the ground and started to cry. She sat on the back of her legs and Michael knelt down beside her. She put her hands over her face. She was crying so hard she couldn’t breathe. Michael pulled her into his embrace. She quickly put her arms around him. “Come on baby I’ll take you home.” He whispered. He balanced himself and pulled himself up along with her and walked out of the department.

What are you thoughts? What do you think? I believe my excitement is showing through here. I think I have a real winner this time. I’m truly excited. Can’t wait to hear your feedback.

Always in Love,

Kathleen