My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 71

Good morning everyone. Thank you for everyone who reached out to me yesterday. I am doing much better today. I got a good night’s sleep last night. I actually slept through the night and it was awesome. I’m very happy. I really try to be positive and happy and optimistic, but sometimes despite my best intentions and no matter how hard I try I am going to have my days where it just doesn’t happen you know, but I told Tyler last night I worked through it and I am good. I had an awesome night at work. My boss Sara and Nate both asked me how I was doing. I thought that was very sweet of them. I basically told them I was fine. Nate gave me a hug and said he loved me. I thought that was very sweet. So thank you all so much for you support and love. It really helped me yesterday.

Today I am off work. I am glad. My feet are hurting me. I tried to deal with it the best I can. I have two pairs of old shoes so I took the insoles from the one and put it in the other pair so that I could get more support, but I am getting blisters on my feet. The good news is that I got paid yesterday and I put my check in the bank. It should clear by Monday or Tuesday at the latest so I’m not only going to buy some food for myself, but also a new pair of shoes. I’m going to spend at least $60 dollars because I am walking on concrete everyday and I want something that is going to support my feet especially my left foot. I have my three month appointment coming up soon. I hope they say it’s all good because if they say anything else I’m going to tell them I’m not interested. I want my foot to get better, but I also don’t want to miss work. I have too much going on right now with getting a new place, my preparing to move in a year’s time and so much other stuff that I can’t afford to be out of work or anything else for that matter.

So I told you guys I got a lot of writing done while I was on vacation. I have finished another chapter and I’m on chapter 9 now. I have to re write it. I may have to rewrite a lot of the book. I decided to take a different direction with it. A lot of shit is about to hit the fan, but I am preparing my book that way because I will be writing a sequel to it. I’ve decided to share a chapter from book with you guys to get your feedback to see what you think. It’s still in the editing process so it’s not finished, but I think you will enjoy it. I will put that in another post because it’s long. I am very excited about this book. So the direction I decided to go in was that one of my main characters is struggling with Verbal abuse and manipulation and I chose to do that because I am a former victim and forever survivor of Verbal abuse and manipulation. I think it’s important to address these issues because if we don’t Number 1 we never heal and number 2 we need to deal with these issues. They are real and the more people are aware of them the more we can help those who are suffering and victims of this. Since I have shared this with you guys and with others I have experienced so much healing. I have to say Bethany if you are reading this: THANK YOU!!! You are the reason I started to talk about it and deal with it. Thank you for sharing your story. It has inspired me more than words could ever express. You are awesome in my book.

Today I am going to be writing my book, cleaning the bathroom, and I’m going to start researching apartments in Boone. I am not moving yet, but I want to get a good list and decide what I can afford and I really want to be in town. There are two goodwills I found out from Sara in Boone so that’s going to be helpful. I want to stay with Goodwill here in Winston for a year and then I want to move up to Assistant Manager. I am really looking forward to that. I will talk to Sara when the time comes and figure things out. This is going to be challenging, hard, and a bitch to plan, but I’m so excited. I know that I can make it happen. I made the move to Winston happen. I can make this happen too. I’ll give you guys updates now and then so don’t worry. I’m taking you on this journey with me. I am so glad to have you along for the journey.

So that’s all for now. I will keep you updated on everything. I love you guys and have a blessed day.

Love you guys,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 70

Good morning. How are you guys?! I’m back! I made back to Winston-Salem safely, but I’m in awkward place this morning. I was driving this morning and when I entered Winston I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I’m very moody and I’m struggling this morning, but I realized something. I wanted to say well I’m tired and all that, but I can’t say that. I am tired, but I realize that when I made the decision to Boone that things shifted and I don’t feel like Winston is my home anymore. I am home when I’m in Boone and when I was staying with Hank. Does that make sense? I like Hank, but we are just friends and that’s okay with me. That’s what I wanted to find out. I care about him and having his friendship is very important to me. I really enjoyed my time with him. I miss him already. I’m just struggling to be here in Winston because I know I won’t be here much longer. I have finally found a place where I belong and then I decide to up and move, but that’s life. You have to find the positive even when you don’t see anything to be positive about. I am calm. I am peaceful and I am content. I’m very excited about my life. I just know it’s not going to be in Winston anymore. It’s not going to be at the farm anymore and that’s tough for me to take. One of the biggest thing I have learned in these last two months that I have lived here is that I have made peace about the fact that my mom and I are not longer friends. We are no longer apart of each other’s lives. I miss my old mom who loved me and stood by me and took care of me. That’s the mom I want back, but I can’t have her back. That’s like me wanting to go to the past and try to fix things that I can’t fix or me trying to go to the past so I don’t have to deal with the present and it’s me trying to go to the past to try and make things different about my present and my future, but you can’t go to the past and do any of that. Joyce Meyer says “The past is past because it has passed.” You can’t fix the present or the future by going to the past. The past no longer exist. The only reason it exists at all is because we let it exist. Is that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard? I can’t wrap my head around it quite yet, but it makes sense.

I did get a lot writing done while I was away and I had a blast on my vacation. I learned a lot. I grew up a little and I had a PTSD episode yesterday, but I was able to work through it. I feel really good about the trip and I’m excited about going back to Boone soon. I can’t wait to go back.

Today I am working. I’m closing and then I’m off tomorrow. I’m going to do some laundry and rest. I have a long week ahead.

I heard back from the place about my apartment. I’ve been approved which is a surprise to me I don’t know why. She’ll call me when it’s ready. Now the question is when will I get paid? I have to talk to Nelva today and ask her about the pay periods. Hopefully I can ask her or Nate maybe they can help me figure it out.

That’s all for now. I have all my pictures I took of my vacation . I just need to organize them and I will post about my trip once I get it organized.

Have a great day and I love you. Talk to you soon.

Love you guys,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 69

Good morning. I am posting this blog from Mcdonald’s in Boone. I am so excited to be here. I wish I never had to leave. I love Winston don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I’m in a prison. But it’s okay. I won’t be that way forever. I’ve made a very important decision. I am going to move to Boone in the near future. It will be a year from now before I move, but I will make it happen. I am very excited. Hank helped me to make that decision. He’s so calm and peaceful. He’s very content with his life. Like it’s weird, but he’s helping me to be calm and peaceful and be content with my life. Life I woke up this morning and came to the Mcdonald’s to check my bank account because I thought I was getting paid, but I didn’t get paid. I normally would have freaked out, but I actually stopped myself and I have remained calm and peaceful about it. I can’t believe it. It’s a sign of growth. I am changing. I feel different. I feel like a new woman. I’ve also decided that I like Hank. I like him alot, but I would rather have his friendship more than anything else. He’s helped me see things in a different persective. He’s a sweet guy and I like him a lot. I don’t have to figure everything right now. I will take one day at a time and figure things out. I met his roommate Alex yesterday and he’s very sweet. Alex and Hank are working today so I’m hanging out in town and then I’m going to go for a hike and spend time with myself. I took pictures of my trip to Blowing Rock yesterday so I will post pictures and posts about what I did yesterday and today at a later date. I will be heading home early tomorrow. I got Hank a gift yesterday as my way of saying thank you for letting me stay with him at his house. Well I’m heading out for my hike.

I’ll talk to you soon. Take care and have a great day!

Love you guys,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 68

Good morning! This will be short and sweet. I’m heading out to Boone today. Hank said I could stay with him. I’ll be staying with him till Saturday morning. I can’t wait. I’m so excited.

I talked to the lady about my apartment. I should know something today after 1pm. I’ll keep you guys posted on everything. I can’t wait. I’m so excited.

Have a great day everyone and I’ll talk to you soon.

Love you ,

Kathleen

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 67

Good morning! Oh man it’s Wednesday. Thank God! I’m off tomorrow and Friday and I’m going to Boone. I am going to talk to Hank and see if he’s okay with me staying with him. I talked to Randy who lives on the farm. Randy was able to help me work out everything. He asked me some hard questions and I have to figure out those answers. I am so excited to be going though. I am very happy.

I finally dropped off everything for the apartment. I heard back from the manager yesterday and I had to send her a copy of my id. She’s going to start processing my application after that. I have to call her today and make sure she got my email. I emailed her my copy of my id. I’m just concerned about being able to pay rent since I won’t be getting a full paycheck yet. I almost decided not to go to Boone, but I said I won’t be able to pay it whether I go or not so I’m going. I’m going to talk to Tyler tonight hopefully and ask him what to do. I hopefully can talk to him tonight before I leave. If I can stay with Hank then I’m going to stay Thursday and Friday. I’m going to come early Saturday morning and then go to work. I have to go in at 12 on Saturday, but that’s okay with me.

I closed last night and it was awful. I fucked up stuff. I know I did, but that’s okay. I spread myself too thin. I’m going to ask my associates to help me. I have to remember we are equal and that I can ask them to do stuff without feeling bad. I just have to ask them in a nice way. I’ll figure it out. I look at this way if I don’t mistakes I can’t learn from anything. I’m going to okay. Besides the first night is always rough. I have some good people to work with tonight. I’m going to have them help me. It’s going to be awesome.

Well that’s all. I will update you on everything. I hope you have a wonderful day.

I love you guys and I’ll talk to you soon.

Love you,

Kathleen

 

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 66

Good morning one and all. I had a great day yesterday. Work was awesome. The customers got on my nerves, but everything else is fine. Sara and I had a wonderful conversation yesterday and I enjoyed talking to her. It was awesome. She’s very sweet and very supportive. I love it.

I got to write some yesterday for my book Fear of Abandonment. I am re-writing Chapter 8. I decided to write about my verbal abuse and manipulation in book. I’m very excited about that. I also met a fellow author through a classmate and friend of mine. Her name is Cathy. She is working on her third novel. She says if I am interested she’ll read my book. I told her I would let her know. I’m very excited. She is also going to send me some stuff to help me and give me pointers and stuff. I’m very excited about that.

I’m still planning my mini vacation to Boone. I got to talk to Michael this morning and he’s going to give me Hank’s number. I can’t wait to text him. I am really hoping that I can get to see him. I’m so excited. I haven’t seen Hank since he came here to visit when I was here. It’s been at least two months. It’s awesome. I’ll post a picture of Hank for you guys so you can see what he looks like.

I dropped my application for my apartment last night. I got my letter of acceptance and I’m so excited. I am going to call today to make sure the manager got my application and all that stuff. I’m very excited. I don’t have to go to work till 1 today. I’m going to do a deep clean to the bathroom today since I will be out of town on Thursday and Friday. I am so excited to be having this mini vacation. It’s the only thing that has helped me to get through this week at work. I’m very excited.

Well that’s all for now. I’ll keep you guys posted on everything.

Have a great day and I love you. We’ll talk soon.

Love you,

Kathleen

P.S. As promised. This is Hank. Tell me what you think.

Hank

 

My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 65

Good morning! Despite my best efforts I had a shitty day yesterday. I tried to hard, but I was very tired at the end of the day and when I got home I lost my composure and I cried. I became overwhelmed with tears and memories. I’m just glad I had my family here. We had a fire at immateria last night and I burned my pieces that I wrote about the parts of myself that I let go of it. I wrote another one without writing it down and I burned a blank piece of paper. I said goodbye to my mother. I cried and I let it go. What made me angry yesterday was my dad texted me to say did you text your mother for Mother’s day. I’m like thinking to myself. Are you serious? What am I going to say. Oh hey Happy Mother’s day. Thanks for verbally abusing me, thanks for manipulating me, thanks for making me feel like shit, and for making me feel guilty about stuff all the time. Oh yeah Happy’s Mother’s day. I didn’t say that to him, but I wanted to. I didn’t text her. I haven’t talked to her in two months. I wrote a note a while back and I decided to end all communication with her. I have to do that right now for myself. I am ready to say that I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to her again. Yes I forgave her, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to let her back into my life.

Today I am working 11-7. I am happy to not have to close. Wednesday is slowly approaching and I’m scared, but I know everything will be fine. But I’m scared. I don’t want to mess something up.

I found out that I have Thursday and Friday off so I’m planning a mini vacation to Boone. I am hoping that I can get to see Hank while I’m there, but we’ll see. I’m going to message him and say hey and that I would like to see him and hang out. We’ll see what happens. I was thinking about him yesterday. I really like him a lot. You guys are the only ones that know and I trust you guys not to say anything.

I have to talk to Sara today about my letter of acceptance. I am hoping to get that soon so I can get my apartment and move out.

Well that’s all for now. I’ll keep you guys updated on everything. I love you and thanks for the continued support.

Love you guys,

Kathleen