Good morning. I’m tired and I’m really struggling. I feel better since I had a good cry. I had to let it out. I’m listening to some music and that’s helping. What really made me feel better was checking my blog this morning to find all these lovely people posting just what I needed to hear. Thank you for your encouragement it is helping me to keep going. I’m only four hours today which is good. I’m not in a good place to work six hours today. I have to do that tomorrow and Wednesday. I’m still anxious about working and closing by myself, but I’ll deal with that when it comes. Today is today. It’s hard to keep going sometimes, but in the end I realize I have to if for no else, I need to keep going for me. This journey, this path is about me. It’s not about anyone else. For years I let others mold me and shape me into what they want me to be, but that’s not who I am. Then who I am? Honestly I don’t know. Sometimes I thought I did, but I really don’t know. I know what path to take because I’m already on it. Tyler told me yesterday I was juggling a lot and he told me how proud of me he was. He’s always proud of me. I can’t do anything to make him less proud of me. It’s a nice feeling. I don’t hear that a lot. My parents didn’t tell me very much. I don’t hate them or judge them for it. I just wish I had heard it more from them. I mean others have told me like my family and friends, and teachers and stuff like that, but it’s not the same. I would have rather heard it from my parents. I cry as I write this because I am sad. But more than anything I’m just tired. I want everything to be easy, but I didn’t take the road less traveled by for it to be easy. Nothing comes easy to me. It nevers has and it never will. When you want something bad enough it will not be easy. It never will. That’s a hard thing to let go. I’m realizing that today. Letting go is hard because we fight so hard to keep things that we need to let go. What’s really hard is letting it go mentally. Our minds are so filled with “junk” we sometimes can’t think clearly. But if we would just let go our minds would be much clearer. Easier said than done. I understand. I do. No matter what, when you read this may it encourage you to keep moving forward. Your life’s worth living. You are worth it. I wrote a piece called “Unworthy” and I’ll share that with you. I love you guys. I really do.
Today I am working and I’m going to do some job hunting. I’m also hitting the gym after work today. I need to take care of myself and I might as well start now.
I’ll keep you posted on the job stuff. My piece “Unworthy” is coming soon.
Have a great day and I love you guys,