Good evening everyone. I’m sorry it’s been a few days. I’m… I’ve fallen off the map so to speak. I’ve had a lot going on with work since we came back from vacation. We are Mandatory 48 hrs as of Thursday. We’ll probably be back to normal by tomorrow, but who knows. Lots of dramas, lots of problems. I’ve decided to stick it out. I didn’t take the job with the Chicken Plant in Siler City. I have many reasons why I didn’t take the job, but the main one was I didn’t want to start over somewhere new and wait another 90 days to get my benefits. I have some doctor’s appointments I want to make and I want to start my counseling as soon as possible. I’m not looking forward to it, but I am at the same time. I want to heal and move forward. I am going to do my best to take my therapist advice. I’m truly excited. I’ve signed for my benefits on Friday. I will be getting my cards in the mail in the next few weeks. I’m truly excited. I feel things are finally coming together. I’m working on paying off my credit card and my Nelnet which is my student loans so I can make room for some gym time this year. I’m hoping to start it sooner than that, but we’ll have to wait and see. Until I get my tax refund I’ll just have to be careful. In other news, I have my goal for January set up. I’ll post about that in a separate post.
As always I’m honored to have you guys on this journey with me. I’m still concentrating on the physical, but the mental and emotional is where I need the most work. I have to find the will to lose weight and keep it off. I have to get my dad’s voice and judgment on me out of my head and my heart. I’m looking forward to the day when I will no longer hear it.
Always in Love,
Hello everyone! How are you guys today? I’m not so good. I had pizza and cheesy bread last night. Big mistakes. The worst mistake ever. I feel awful. I honestly thought I was going to throw up. Never again. I always say that, but this time I’m making sure it doesn’t happen again.
I’m doing stuff around the house and then I’m going out. I need to go shopping. I’m trying to make it till next paycheck so I’m trying to make sure I can afford it. I messaged my bank on my online account and got my credit card back. I’m only using it when I need it. I’m going to try and use it for small purchases. But we’ll see. Tomorrow I’m probably going over to Megan’s so I want to get as much done today as possible because I’ll be back to work on Saturday for the next seven days. I’m looking forward to it, but I’m looking forward to the money I will get. It will be so nice. I love the money coming in. I’m truly excited to be back in the swing of things. Last night was the roughest night, but I have two days off to get rested and get back into the swing of things when I go back to work on Saturday.
I hope you guys are doing well in the new year. I’ll see you again soon.
Always in Love,
Happy New Year everyone!! I hope you have a wonderful New Year’s Eve. I would love to hear what your plans were. Please leave a comment below.
Today is a wonderful day. I slept in and did some stuff around the house. I organized my corkboard hanging up in front of my desk. I also took down my December calendar’s and put up March. I put three month’s worth of calendars to plan ahead for my bills. Then I reorganized my dream board and put some pictures. I also rearranged my calendars that I hung on my wall. I haven’t gotten any 2019 calendars yet, but I was fortunate that the calendars I have already have January-April 2019 with another picture on each calendar. I’ll take pictures and post them later for you. I also redid the daily schedule that I use when I’m working. I’m really excited. I plan to clear out my bill papers and receipts from 2018. I already cleared out my goal notebook. I’m truly excited about all that I’ve accomplished already.
I don’t plan to do a whole lot today. Mom came home around 2 or so with all kinds of news. She went to Chris’ for New Year Day breakfast. Then Megan had drama with her cat going into heat and she decided to pee on everything. Poor Megan. So mom went over to help her. She is warming up some food so I’m going to go and eat. I decided to watch Are You Being Served episode called The Think Tank. After that, I’m doing nothing.
Have a wonderful day and I hope this first day of the New Year is going great for you so far…
Always in Love,
Hello everyone. Mom and I just home from being at Megan’s around seven or eight and we are just hanging out at the house. We had dinner at Sir Pizza in Siler City. Megan and I went shopping at Whole Foods in Chapel Hill. It was an awesome day. I’m tired. Tomorrow is my last day off before I head back to work on Wednesday. I’m looking forward to it, but I’m not at the same time. Mom and I are going to try and stay up until midnight. I’m looking forward to 2019.
Thank you to everyone who has made 2018 a great year for me. It was a roug year, but you made it so much better. So thank you! I love you!
Happy New Year’s and I’ll see you in 2019!!
Always in Love,
2018… What can I say about it? This was a hard year for me. This is the hardest year of my life.
This is everything I have done in 2018:
- I moved back to Asheboro and I moved back in with my mom.
- I worked at ATMS and I hated it.
- I left ATMS and went to work for Asheboro City Schools and then I left them and worked at SMX/Energizer until I found a job with Sapona Manufacturing Inc.
- I have grown up. I have grown a lot as a person. I learned that nothing is going to come easy.
- I decided to start taking my health more seriously and start my journey to losing weight.
- I took some time away from my dad because he hurt me. He hurt me bad this time. I took time out of my schedule to see him and he talked trash about me to my sister about my weight.
- I was abused mentally and emotionally by my own father.
- My mom and I have a wonderful relationship now. She has been my rock and she helps me so much. We talk more and we have a stronger relationship.
- I am a caretaker for my sister Megan who is fighting Lyme Disease. Our relationship has grown. We are much closer than we ever were.
- I’m much closer to God than I have ever been.
None of these things have come easy. I have learned that lesson the hard way. I wish it had.
Now, this is what I am going to do in 2019:
- Continue on my journey to losing weight.
- Read more.
- Make more healthier choices when it comes to food and other things in my life.
- I am going to spend more time with my sisters and my mom.
- I am going to set boundaries with my father by going to therapy and getting the help I need.
Here’s to 2018: Thank you for the hard times, the shitty times, and really shitty times. I have learned something through them all. God has been good to me. I am blessed beyond what I deserve. So here’s to you. May 2019 be a better year for me.
I can’t wait for 2019. I am going to make lifestyle changes, but I’m also going to make changes that I need to make. I need to do the hard work and just do it. I need to get up off my ass and do it. As for my blog, I will be back in 2019. I will be writing more. I am glad I had the time away to focus on other things, but now I want to come back and start writing again. I miss everyone. I miss writing.
Happy New Year and I’ll see you in 2019!!
Always in Love,
Happy New Year’s Eve Eve… I’m having a rough day. I didn’t sleep well. I made the mistake of having Mexican food for a snack last night and I ended up with a tummy ache from the food. I did sleep in, but I had strange dreams. I’ve learned my lesson about eating that late at night. No more. Today mom and I went out to look around and go to the store to get some food things we needed for the house. We were making our last stop to get the food things we needed. I kept seeing my reflection in the car window and the windows at the store. I kept looking at myself and I just thought some terrible things. I won’t tell you what I thought, but I beat myself up pretty good. I’m a little emotional this week because of my period getting ready to come. I just feel blah. So after we got done with our shopping we headed home. I’ve been listening to a song that is helping me right now. Her name is Lauren Daigle and the song is called You Say. It’s a song about identity. I think it fits where I am at with my mental and emotional stuff that I am working on. So good news I was offered a job at the place where I went to interview. I’m just not sure I want to start all over again. I’m thinking and praying about it. I just feel really emotional and I’m not sure I want to move or do anything right now. I don’t think I should be making major decisions when my emotions are all over the place. I feel my depression kicking in. I’m trying to fight it, but I’m not… Well I’m succeeding more than I normally would have. I’ll be happy to go back to work. This week off has been hard. I’m completely out of my routine and it’s okay, but not for a week or so. Well anyway I’ll keep you guys posted and let you know what I decide about the job. Have a wonderful day and we’ll talk again soon.
Always in Love,
I wrote a piece that reflects what I think of myself. It truly reflects what I tell myself. I had to put it to words. I know you have heard me mention that I am on a journey to losing weight, but every time I make the choice to eat something “unhealthy or junk food” I just eat more of it. I try again the next day, but I keep failing. I just keep hearing my father’s voice in my head. I keep hearing him telling me that he needs to put me on a diet. I know I paint my father as this horrible person, but he is. I am not going to lie to you. I won’t do that anymore. I won’t lie. He is horrible. I know I should be grateful to have a father in my life, but I can’t. I can’t be grateful for him when his sole mission is to hurt me. I got enough of that from my mother when she was verbally abusing me. She has changed and she has tried her best to make our relationship work. He won’t even admit there is a problem. He won’t even admit he is sorry. He won’t admit anything.
I feel good about this piece. I think little by little I will move forward and I will lose weight. I am truly excited to share this piece with you.
“My Journey to Weight Loss”
Dedicated to myself
My attitude: (This is how I feel)
I am fat. I am a loser. I’ll never lose weight. I hate who I am. I’m so confused. I can’t stop eating. Maybe my dad’s right when he said he needs to be put me on a diet. I can’t do it. I want to give up. I never want to try again. I’ll just never be able to lose weight.
This is what I tell myself instead:
I will lose weight. I am love. I am light. I am beautiful. I am smart, amazing, and fun. I am funny, loving, kind, caring, and considerate. I am wonderful, special, gorgeous. I am awesome. I am a Christian. I am a good person. I am so many things. I am more than my father’s opinion of me. I am courageous. I am a warrior. I am a Child of God. I am everything I should be. I am where I am supposed to be. I am so happy. I am so excited. I am on a journey. I am on a journey to lose weight.
Always in Love,
I love you guys so much. Thanks for checking out my blog today. Feel free to leave me a comment about the piece. All comments are welcome.
Always in Love,