I’ve talked with you guys a lot about Barry, but I thought that I would post a picture so you could see him.
We were texting one night and he sent me that. I have this picture on my phone and it’s going to stay there. What I can’t understand who would want to hurt this beautiful man. It breaks my heart that he’s been hurt. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t date that much. I wanted to avoid the pain that he’s experienced. I wrote a piece about him a while back when I first started to really become interested in him and we started to talk and get to know each other. I have learned one thing. I love him. I really do. I care about him very deeply and I don’t want to lose him. I’m willing to be his friend so that I don’t lose him. That’s how much I care about him. I prayed this morning that the Lord would keep him safe. I prayed that the Lord would give me a chance to tell Barry how I feel about him. I started to cry. I’m trying to keep my tears at bay as I write this. I love him. I really do. I love him unconditionally. I know some people would find that hard to believe because we’ve haven’t known each other that long, but I truly feel that I can have a future with him. I have never wanted something so much in my whole life. You guys know me pretty well and you know that when I want something I fight for it. I want Barry. I want him in my life even if it means we are friends. I know that I’ve said that before, but I mean it. I really do. I’m sorry the tears are coming, but I’m not sorry. It hurts to not have him around. It was really hard for me to go to work today knowing he wouldn’t be there. Everywhere I look there are memories of us and he in my mind and my heart all the time. I think about him all the time. Every minute of everyday I think of him. He’s touched my heart. He’s inspired me like no one has. I want him. I want him to be my boyfriend. I want a relationship with him. I want a future with him. It hurts for me to talk about it. Every time I talked about him when I’m alone in my car I start to cry. The thought of him being with someone else drive me nuts. It makes me angry. Barry is the most beautiful, selfless, sweet, talented, and smartest man I’ve ever met. He makes smile from the inside out. He doesn’t just sit there and watch me struggle and laugh at me. He helps me. He encourages me, he supports me. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a man. I feel this unconditional love for him all the way down into my soul. That’s what makes me think that I have found my soul mate. At Last. At Last I have found him. Does he really want me? Does he feel the same way? I don’t know. What really bothers me is he keeps talking about marriage and kids. This is why I want to tell him how I feel and I would tell him in person. I want to tell him I’ll be moving back home for a while. I want to tell him in person. I really do. But like I said. I will let go and I will wait on the Lord. I’ve done all I can do. So this is Barry. This is how I feel. My heart is opened. This is me. This is me being completely open and honest and raw with you. It hurts. It hurts like hell, but I am in love. I will fight for him. I will just fight for him in a different way. He can’t stop me from praying and he can’t stop God from doing what he wants to do. Will God do what I want him to do? I don’t know. God may not want me and Barry together. Who knows? I have decided to accept God’s decision whatever it may be. That’s the hardest part of all.
So without further adieu here’s Barry: