My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 140

Good morning!! I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, but I did manage to get some rest. I’m still breaking out and I’m going to keep trying to get better and just take my medicine and avoid the stuff that is giving me a rash. I figured out that I think I’m allergic to the soap I’m using and I’m allergic to tomatoes like my mom so I have to avoid them too. I’m also allergic to the gloves at work so I’m going wear different gloves and wear long sleeves because I’m also allergic to the clothes at work. I hate to do that, but I need to get this under control.

I’ve also made an important decision. I’ve given this a lot of thought. I’ve decided to move from Winston. I’ve found a happy medium. I will be moving to High Point. It won’t be too far from Winston and I’m closer to my family. There are so many ways to get to my family from there so that’s what I’m going to do. I also don’t want to be so far away from Barry either. He and I have been talking more and we are getting together on Monday to hang out. I really don’t want to move so far away that I can’t see him and since he doesn’t have a car he won’t be able to see me if I move far away and I’m sure as hell not moving back to Asheboro. No thank you. I’ll pass. Thanks to my friend Bethany Kays and for her advice I’m going to make lists. I’m going to write everything out and plan everything and try to move as soon as possible. I’m going to apply for jobs in Winston, but I’m also looking at Greensboro, and definitely High Point. There are a lot of trucking jobs in all those places. I’m going to apply for trucking jobs mostly because I want to try a different career and truck drivers get paid a lot of money. They make more than teachers do at some places and I have a commercial license I might as well use it. This is going to be a lot of hard work, but in the end it’s all worth it. I’m going to plan the move and everything by myself and I’m going to have my family help me to move. I won’t ask for help from anyone here in Winston. I will inform them that I am leaving, but I will do that when I’m ready. I’m going to plan my budget so that I can know exactly what I can afford and not be stuck again in place that I can’t afford.

My mom is coming today. I got up early so I could post my blog before she gets here. I’m very excited for her visit. I’m going to talk with her and I’m thinking of talking to her about the move. I’m also thinking of asking her if she will buy me some things I need like soap and stuff and tell her about my rash. But I haven’t fully decided. I do know that I want to talk with her. I think I will write out what I want to say so that I will say everything I want to and not be angry and bitter toward her. I’m going into this that I am forgiving her, but that I don’t trust her and that we need to start over with our relationship and build it again. I’m very excited about this.

As I stated Barry and I are hanging out on Monday. We’re going to the movies. I’m going to drop off my rent check and then I’m going to go and pick him up at 11. I’m very excited to finally get to see him outside of work. It will be nice to talk. He and I hugged yesterday, but it was different. We usually do just a side hug, but yesterday he gave me a face to face hug and he actually put both arms around me. It made me feel good and it made me feel safe. I couldn’t have just melted in his arms, but I didn’t obviously because we were at work. He asked me how I was doing. He knew something was right yesterday. But he didn’t say stuff like oh I was so worried about you and blah blah blah. He was kind and gentle and sweet which I didn’t expect. It was nice. So we talked for a minute and I told him I took his advice and got some rest. He was glad that I was feeling better. He was just very sweet about it. I also found out that we both love the beach. I found out some more about his family as well. It was really nice. Yay!! I’m still keeping things in the yellow though so I can recognize things that aren’t right and that I can see and read into the red flags when they arise. But I honestly say I can see myself with him for the long run and I can see myself having a future with him, but it’s too early to tell that. But I could. I really could and that thought excites me.

I’ll keep you guys posted on everything. I will be taking a break from writing. My books are going to have to wait. I’ll write my plays and stuff because I need that when I’m struggling and that helps me to write stuff out and I’m still going to blog, but as far as my books I’m going to take a break and leave them where they are. I can always pick them up later and I don’t have to feel pressured about a deadline because I am publishing my books myself. Thank you guys for being there for me every step of the way and reaching out to me when I need you and encouraging me and supporting me. It means so much to me you have no idea. I love you guys and we’ll talk soon.

Love you guys so much,

Kathleen

P.S. I posted pictures of me and my family in this one. I love them. I know we don’t always agree, but I love them and they have been there for me when I needed them. I can’t wait to see my mom once again.