Good morning. I’m so tired. I didn’t sleep well last night. My stupid neighbors came in and out making loud noises with their car. I don’t know who it was. I’m like what the fuck? Don’t you care that there are people trying to sleep? It just made me angry. I did try to get back to sleep. I did sleep straight through though. Oh! I hope I can find a house to buy and get out of here. I can’t stay here another year. OMG!!
Oh man yesterday at work was the day from hell, but I worked through it. I made it an awesome day anyway. I swear though that recycling department. This one guy in particular. His name is Ron. He doesn’t do his job. He stands around and talks. He talks to my one of my guys and everyone on the face of creation. Then he has the nerve to say I can’t do this. I’m like what do you want me to do? I almost told him off. I didn’t though. I’m not going down to his level to prove my point. He’s the guy that ends up getting fired eventually. It’s so stupid. It makes me mad. Correction it makes me fucking angry especially when there are guys in that department who work their asses off. But anyway I hope he’s not here today when I work. I am opening today. I love to open. It’s worth not getting any sleep because I get the reward of getting off early. I get the reward of setting the day to what I want it to be and helping with the rotations and making sure my guys and my gals (cashiers) are taken care of. I love it. I don’t like being by myself as the only manager per say, but I love it because I get to make decisions and I can ask others to do things without making them feel like I’m just telling them what to do. I really love opening with Reggie. Reggie is a hoot. He’s 57 I believe and he’s a hoot. I love working with him. He’s one of my tippers and just a wonderful guy. He’s black and skinny, but he’s so sweet and he’s adorable. He’s been there for three years and he’s just great. I know when he’s working I don’t have to worry about anything. He’ll take care of it. He does whatever I ask of him without question and I love that. I know that when he’s working he always has my back. I know this awful, but he’s my favorite. He’s my favorite tipper. I also have a favorite cashier. Her name is Belen. I’m working with her today and tomorrow. She’s great. She’s really good at her job. I don’t have to worry when she’s working. She pitches in and helps me if I need it. She doesn’t make me feel bad if I don’t know something. She works with me and she’s just a ball of fun. She’s this little bitty hispanic lady and her English amazes me. What really amazes me is her spanish. She speaks so crisp and clear. Her English is the same way. I can understand what she’s saying whether it’s Spanish or English and for me that’s rare. Most hispanics I can’t understand them whether they speak English or Spanish, but with her she makes it clear and she makes clear what her intention is and I love that. What I love most about her is her smile. She has this most adorable little smile. I know it’s awful. I shouldn’t have favorites, but I think out of everyone they are my two favorites. I don’t tell them though and I wouldn’t dare. I can’t show favoritism and I don’t treat them any better than anyone else. I make sure I treat everyone the same. I have to tell you though they are pretty awesome. I love to brag on people. So I’m bragging on them. They’re pretty awesome.
I got a chance to talk to Barry yesterday. Oh man. He’s so sweet. He really is. Oh man. He’s just so sweet. I found out yesterday that’s he’s the oldest in his family. He has two sisters and one brother. The thing I love most about Barry is that he’s always smiling and he strives to put himself in the other person’s shoes to try and understand what the other person is going through. I do the same thing. We have a lot in common so far. You’re probably asking why haven’t you asked him out yet. Well I’ve decided that this time I’m going to let this happen organically. He may have a girlfriend. He may be married. He may be gay. I don’t know. I’ll love him no matter what. He’s been a great friend and I just love how sweet he is. I do get the vibe sometimes that he likes me too, but I’m not going to push it. I’m enjoying just getting to know him. We don’t talk a whole lot, but when we do I cherish those moments. They are nice and they are awesome. So for now I’ll wait. He’s worth waiting for. Besides what I really love about him is that he has tattoos all over his arms and he’s fucking hot. I don’t get that often in my experience. My weakness is a man with tattoos. I just love it. So I’m enjoying the experience and when it happens it happens. No sense in forcing it. Besides after 30 years of trying to force things and I’m still single at 31 it’s time to take a different approach. So for now I’ll wait. I don’t mind. I think he’s worth waiting for.
I love my car rides to work because I can talk to myself in my car and that’s my time to peel back the layers and talk things through. I know people who see me riding down the road think I’m crazy I’m sure, but Tyler actually talked to me and that’s the first piece of advice that he came and I’m glad he did. It’s really helped me and it’s a great way for me to deal with myself. It’s gotten easier for me to deal with myself. Well let me rephrase that it’s easier for me to peel back the layers and talk things through. I’ve actually told myself things and talked things through. I think how you talk to yourself is very important. I don’t tell myself negative things anymore. I don’t think negative thoughts anymore. Yesterday was rough. I almost came unglued. Ron really tests my patience, but I talked myself through it and I went on. Sara helped me in dealing with Ron when I was working on my birthday. She could tell I was struggling. I’m so glad she did. It’s really helped me. She’s coming back this week. I open next Thursday and she’s closing. I can’t wait to see her. I’ve missed her. I can’t wait to tell her all the wonderful things I’ve learned while she’s been gone. Her and Nelva have really taken me under their wings and have helped me so much especially Nelva since Sara’s been gone. Nate had to talk me down yesterday. Ron made me so mad, but Nate was very sweet and he helped me. I had two customer complaints yesterday. The one I wanted to cry. My heart broke and I almost gave him because one I was tired and second I really didn’t have time to sit there on the phone with her as we went around in the same damn circle, but I didn’t. I told her in the end that she was welcome to call my boss, but as a Lead I didn’t feel comfortable doing what she wanted me to do. She ended up hanging up on me. Oh well. I mean I can only do so much. As a Lead as a manager my hands are tied when it comes to our policies. I have to follow them. If I bend the rules for one person I have to do it for everyone. I can’t show favoritism. It doesn’t matter what it is. I can’t show favoritism. My customers know that now and they see that. They don’t ask for stuff anymore. If they do I’m not going to bring it out. I can’t. I have a conscience. I have morals. I know what’s right and what’s wrong and I sure as hell know what’s right and wrong for me. If a manager that’s higher up than me says hey will you put this out then I will do it and if a customer ask me why I did that I have a reason and I explain it to them. If they don’t like that then that’s not my fucking problem. I’m doing what was told for me to do. I know what’s expected of me and I do it to the best of my ability. I can’t be something I’m not. I did that for 30 years. I’m 31 now and I refuse to be treated like dirt, put down, and told what I can and can’t do. I also refuse to let others be treated the way that I was. I go into work everyday with a smile on my face and I strive to have an awesome day and I do. Even though yesterday was the day from hell I strove to have an awesome day and I did and I didn’t smile every minute of that day, but for the most part I did. I also enforce the rules. I do it in a nice professional manner and they customers see it and they respect me. I have had some delightful conversations and some great memories. I know a lot of the regulars by name why because I strive to build relationships and rapport with them. I’m good at that. I could write a book on the conversations I’ve had. They have been wonderful. I’m great suggesting sales and encouraging my customers as well. So needless to say yes I feel like quitting especially after yesterday, but I can’t. I couldn’t go and work somewhere else. These people. My co-workers are like family to me. I love them. I love them unconditionally and I care for them very deeply. I would do anything for them and they have helped me to be the person I am. I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. Even if I had a chance at a better job with better pay I wouldn’t take it. The lessons I’ve learned here and the relationship and rapport I’ve built with my co-workers and the customers has been one of the most amazing parts of my life and my job so no I won’t quit even though I feel like it some days.
Well that’s all for now. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts today. I love you guys and have a great day. I have to get ready for work. I’m going shopping after I get off work. I’m going to the ALDI’s over where I live. I like that store better than the one that’s right there where I work. I don’t like that ALDI. The one where I live I like that one because the store is a lot nicer and the people there are a lot nicer too. It makes a difference.
Take care and we’ll talk soon.
Love you guys,