My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 103

Good morning! I’m feeling much better today. I had a rough day at work. I was really trying to be nice to everyone when I really wanted to tell people to fuck off. I may get customers who will complain to Nelva or tell Sara when she gets back, but I don’t care. I just don’t care. Customers are going to complain no matter what. I’m not going to step on glass to make them happy. That’s not my job. I’m there to do my job and try to help them within my job description. I am learning to not take their complaints so seriously and relax a little. I’m not going to worry about them anymore. I will do the best job I can because that’s all I can do. I’m not perfect. I’m not a robot. I’m a human being just like them that has feelings and emotions. I just have to keep them under control and keep my composure and handle the situation “properly”. If I can handle it then I direct them to where they can get help that I can’t provide because I am not able to provide it. They will be fine eventually and so will I.

Working today. I get off at five thirty and I’m going to come home and clean. I have more dishes and other things. After work yesterday I got some more stuff for my apartment. Tyler’s dad Steve gave me some stuff for my apartment. I got some blankets, a coffee pot, (which I love because he’s a man after my own heart) pots and pans, and more stuff that I didn’t look through yet. Tyler also gave me a hug from his dad. I think the world of Steve. I don’t know if I told you guys about him or not. Tyler’s dad is a wonderful human being. He has suffered a lot in his life. He was also in the army which I think has had a great effect on him. Some people who were in the army are okay and they are able to adjust back into what they call civilian life, but some aren’t. I don’t know. I just have this feeling that Tyler’s dad never really adjusted back into civilian life. But Tyler’s dad has played a key role in helping me to forgive my mom. I realized that if I can forgive Tyler’s dad for the fact that he never accepted Tyler when he first came out then I could forgive my mother for what she did to me. Tyler and his father have a good relationship now. They get along and everything. They have their disagreements, but on the whole I think they have a good relationship and it’s much better than it was before. So when Tyler and Michael talk about Steve it really hurts my feelings, but I won’t ever say anything to Tyler or Michael. I just find a way to creatively let it out. Most of the time I admit I keep it to myself. They don’t say anything really bad, but it hurts my feelings because of what Steve has done for me. Steve doesn’t know this though. I have never told him. I would never tell him. I think I could, but I don’t. I prefer to get to know Steve for myself and decide for myself what kind of guy he is. I don’t like that Michael and Tyler talk about him because I really want to get to know Steve for myself like I said. I don’t want someone painting a picture of what someone looks like or what they think he should look like or should be. To me when someone paints a picture of what the other person should be is coming into it with a judgemental frame of mind and you don’t really get to know the person for yourself and then when the person isn’t who you thought they were you get hurt, bitter, angry, and disappointed and that’s not a good place to be. Anyway that is my thoughts on that. I am very appreciative of Steve giving me this stuff. I really wanted a coffee pot and I’m so glad that was one of things he gave me. I also got some clothes that Amy got from the clothing swap. I’m not sure what that is, but I got some really nice stuff which apparently most of it belonged to Amy and my other friend Holly. Holly is wonderful person too. I just love her. Her and I instantly connected and she has turned into one of my dearest friends. I feel I can talk to her and she instantly gets me and I don’t really have to explain myself to her. It’s nice for a change. I always feel that I have explain myself to people, but with her I don’t have to and it’s nice. It really is and this is the cool part of our relationship. She’s always there when I need her just at the moment when I need her. I swear she’s magical. She just appears and then she’s gone. It’s awesome, but weird at the same time.

So anyway I am coming home today and I’m cleaning. My bathroom needs it especially my tub. I’m going to clean some of my dishes in the kitchen. I’m going to give Tyler back his stuff that he let me borrow  now that I have pots and pans of my own. Tyler has sent out feelers to others for some stuff I need. I made a list of things I need. I need to actually add some things. But anyway that’s my plans for today. I’ve haven’t done too much writing on my books lately. I just have felt myself going in that direction. While I’m off Sunday and Monday. Those will be my days to write. I’m heading to Asheboro Monday hopefully to get my phone turned on. I’m very excited about my new phone. My old one is working for now, but I’m not taking any chances. I would rather have the smartphone. I wanted one anyway. It’s going to be really nice. I’m very excited.

Well that’s all now for now. I have to get ready for work here in a little while. Take care and have a great day. I love you guys and we’ll talk very soon.

Love you guys,

Kathleen