Good morning. I didn’t sleep well. I woke up twice with leg cramps and I woke up with a horrible headache. Actually I went to bed with one. Needless to say I’m tired. I’m just really wanting to go back to bed. Tonight when I get done with the training I’m going to bed. I’m getting a shower and going to bed. I have to be up early to go to the farm and clean. After that I’m going to visit my dad. I honestly thought about canceling, but I’m going to do and get it over with. I’ll figure out my schedule and then figure out what days I will go again to clean. I just hope that Tyler can pay me tomorrow. If not it’s not the end of the world. I just want to make sure he remembers I’m coming over because he forgets things easily. It’s okay. Well I’ll be honest it’s not okay, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Besides it doesn’t matter I don’t live there anymore. I’m happy about that.
Work was awesome yesterday. I had a great day. I got five rotations done for five rows before I left yesterday and several rotations done for Hardgoods. I’m very happy. We should have hit goal yesterday. I hope we did anyway. I’m very happy. Nate came in and we talked and laughed. I love him so much. He’s just great. Nelva is awesome too. She’s so funny. She messed up something yesterday and she likes shit and she apologized to me. I said it’s okay. It was funny.
So today I’m going for training called STAR. It’s for work. I’m going to take something to eat and drink just in case we get breaks. I don’t want to not be without something. I know where it is I just have to figure out where to go. I just want to be awake to pay attention to what’s going on. I hope we don’t have to get up and move around a lot, but actually that might be good for me except that I’m tired.
My dad arrived safely with my step mom yesterday. They are going to be staying with my other sister Megan. Megan and I haven’t spoken in sometime. We texted back and forth because she broke the silence, but the longest we haven’t spoken is two and a half almost three months. I texted yesterday to say thanks for letting dad stay with her. I didn’t get a reply which made me sad, but that’s okay. I’m not going to talk with her right now. I’m going to spend time with my dad and visit that’s the point of going down there tomorrow. I’m going to head down after I clean at the farm. I’m very happy. I’m excited. I can’t wait to see him. I’m still scared of what he’s going to think about my hair. It’s silly I know, but it’s true. I’m just very excited to see him. I’m going to go down to Florida to see him in August for his birthday. I’m going to make him a card and give it to him for Father’s day. We are going to celebrate my birthday and father’s day together since he and I won’t see each other. I’m going to call him on Father’s Day too and text him. Can you tell that I really love my dad? It wasn’t always that way, but I cherish him. He’s the greatest. He’s done so much for me and has gave up so much and sacrificed do so much. How can I not love him for that? Well actually I have a choice. I could be bitter and not love him, but there’s beauty in the fact that he gave up and sacrificed. He’s a strong man. He’s stronger than people think he is. He’s dealt with a lot of shit and a lot of it behind closed doors that even I don’t know about. The more I think about it the more I realize how much we are alike. He’s very anxious all the time about his health especially his Meniere’s or vertigo. Actually what he’s anxious about is having a spell because of the vertigo. That’s what triggers it for him. It’s hard not to be anxious about it. The vertigo comes on so gradually it’s like getting a migraine and then it’s gone, but it leaves so much damage in it’s path and not just because he’s had a spell, but everything after that. He had to work hard at getting back to “normal” again after the spell. He had to get up the next day and pick up the pieces of it. He’s had this since 2000 and it’s amazing to me how he can pick himself back up again. I just love him. I admire him. But he gets up everyday and he fights it tooth and nail and sometimes he has good days and he had bad days and even on the good days the vertigo will get the better of him. But at least he tries. Well I guess we are more alike than I realize. It only makes me love him even more. I focus on the good and when I call and we talk I just listen. He will ask questions about me and try to figure out what’s going on with me. At least he’s willing to be there and help and yes it annoys me when he texts me random things and that he talks a lot, but he’s my dad and he’s the only parent I have right now. He trusts me and he respects me and he respects the fact that I’m not talking to either my sister Megan or my mother. He hasn’t tried to do anything to fix it that I know of. He’s allowing me to be an adult and decide and do things for myself. He’s seeing me as an adult. I’m not a child anymore. I’m paying for my own bills and I’m making my own way in the world. It’s a beautiful thing. I only hope that Megan and my mother will see that one day and if they don’t then that’s okay too. Just because they are my family doesn’t mean they have to be in my life. I’m doing just fine without them and I will be fine no matter what happens. I have made peace about that. I have made peace with that in just this moment and I’m happy. I’m content. At least for today because today is all we have. Tomorrow may never come, but that’s okay. I’m happy with just today.
Well that’s all for now. Have a great day. We’ll talk soon.
Love you guys,