My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 79

Good morning. I’m so glad to be moving out tomorrow and Wednesday. It’s Monday I’m so glad. I hope it goes by quickly. I’m kind of dreading going into work, but I’m happy because I can get away from here for the day. I’m starting to see how I’m becoming bitter to Tyler and everyone here and I am so glad I am moving out. I can have my own space and when I want to hang out and come over I can do that and then I can go home and I don’t have to sucked into the drama. Amy was upset about something I could tell, but I didn’t say anything. I don’t get her sometimes. Maybe she was having a bad day or maybe she’s on her period. I don’t know. I just don’t get her. I want to help her, but I can’t because she won’t deal with her issues. She just won’t and if you don’t deal with your issues you are never going to be happy. But it’s okay. It’s not my life and it’s not my choice. I’ve decided to respect her where she is and love her as she is on her journey and her path. I have a feeling she might move out too, but we’ll see. She might stay. Greg who is going to be the other roommate once I move out came over last night. He got drunk and stayed the night. I expressed my concern to Tyler that I didn’t want him driving. Tyler already had thought of that. I’m glad. Greg is a sweet guy when he’s not drunk and I don’t want him to get hurt. I don’t want anyone I love and care about to drive drunk. It’s not good and it’s not healthy. So anyway. Work was rough yesterday. I didn’t have much help and then my boss for some reason thought I wasn’t there. I’m like seriously what the fuck is going on? I didn’t say that to anyone I just thought it in my head. So I called her to ask her if I did something wrong and she said everything was fine. I said okay and let that be the end of it. It bothers me, but I just went on with my day. I had a guy who is in another department mouth off at me for doing my job and second I had a customer to get upset with me for not bringing out books. He got mad and left. He’ll be back tomorrow looking for books again and he’ll probably be mad about something else. I told him I was sorry and I walked away. I didn’t let it affect me like I did before and get upset about it. I talked myself through it and went on. I would have never done that before. I’m proud of myself for this sign of growth.

I’m cleaning the bathroom today. It has to be done before I move out. I offered to help clean the bathroom thru June if need be, but I might not have to. Tyler is going to be a full-time employee which means he won’t be self-employed anymore and his pay will be a lot less so he might not be able to afford for me to clean it. He pays me six buck a month to clean the bathroom. He just takes it off of what I would owe him for rent which is fine. I don’t mind cleaning it. It’s not bad. But I haven’t cleaned it in a while and it needs to be done because after tomorrow I won’t be living at the farm anymore. He’s going to let me know (maybe, no I’m just kidding) about the bathroom and if I still need to clean it. I just can’t wait to move out. Someone else can handle all the chaos here and be sucked into the drama. I’m glad I don’t have to be. I don’t want to be bitter towards the people here. I love them. I really do. I just feel I can’t be myself and can’t express myself because first they’re all selfish and second they don’t really care. I know that’s not true, but it just feels like it. Just want to be open and honest about that. I know I can be open and honest with you guys and I truly appreciate that more than I can say.

Today I close. Nate’s working and I’m so glad. I just love him. He always makes my shift interesting when I work. I wish he wasn’t gay. He would be the perfect guy for me, but I believe he is plus we work together it just wouldn’t work. I don’t think we can date anyway since we are both managers. It’s fine. He’s a great friend and I don’t want to ruin that and second I’m interested in Angelo so it all works out in the end. I close with Tanya and Reggie so we should get out of here on time. I’m glad too. Belen is a great cashier. She helped me a great deal yesterday and Reggie and Daniel too. I’m very grateful. Well that’s all for now. I’ll talk to you guys later. I’ll keep you updated on everything.

Love you guys,

Kathleen

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