“The Best of Me”

Hey everyone. I hope you are having a wonderful day. As promised here is the last piece of my book My Life In My Own Words. I’m very excited about this book and I’m very excited to have it published. I love it. This is the best piece I’ve ever written. I’ve brought myself out of thirty years of repressing feelings and being something I’m not. I’m honored to share this piece with you. I hope that you take heart in the fact that at the end of the piece I’ve let go of a lot of shit and that I strive everyday to be the best me possible. That’s my wish for everyone single one of you. I hope this encourages you and inspires you like it does me. I love you and enjoy reading.

Love you guys,

Kathleen

“The Best Of Me”

Dedicated to me. Kathleen Ann Wyatt. The final piece for the book.

All I want is to be the best me possible.

All I want is for someone to love me. All I want is to be liked. All I want is stop annoying people. All I want is to be all put together. All I want is to stop feeling guilty and bad about everything.

All I want is to stop crying all the time and being a basket case. All I want is to care about other people.

All I want is to love someone and get married and have kids. All I want is to be a Massage Therapist. All I want is to move to Boone and chase my dreams. All I want is stop holding things in. All I want is to be me.

All I want is stop feeling like I’m a fucking failure and feeling dumb, awkward, and stupid. All I want is to stop feeling sorry for myself. All I want is to let go of thirty years of repressed feelings. All I want is to be loved unconditionally. All I want is to not be afraid. All I want is to be successful. All I want is to be like everyone else. All I want is to be as quick as others, as funny as others. All I want is for things to be easy. All I want is to be the real me.

All I want is to not feel like shit, like trash, and dirty. All I want is to give up, not change, and to not do the right thing. All I want to be is not hurt, damaged, or broken anymore. All I want is to be loved. All I want is for her to admit that what she did to me was wrong. All I want is to be held when I’m sad and not be judged. All I want is for people to stop using me and using my weakness against me. All I want is to stop holding things in and talk to others. All I want is for people to stop feeling sorry for me. All I want is to not have been verbally abused and manipulated by my mother. All I want is to stop apologizing for who I am. All I want is for people to accept me. All I want is to stop apologizing especially for stuff I didn’t do. All I want is to stop apologizing for the love I have toward my family and friends in the LGBT community.

All I want is to be seen. All I want is to not be angry all the time and throw things. All I want is to be happy. All I want is to not have depression and anxiety. All I want is a normal life like everyone else where I am perfect. All I want is to be normal. All I want is to feel alive. All I want is to be like everyone else.

But…

Life is hard.

Life is everything from A to Z.

Life is hard. My life is hard.

It’s hard because people have told me in one form or another that it would be hard because I’m this and I’m that.

WELL NO MORE!!!

I am me.

I can’t be anyone else.

I can’t because it’s not who I am.

Tonite I let go of thirty years of what “everyone” thinks I should be and who I was and what I used to be.

I am being me. I want to change.

I want to be the best me possible.

I want the most out of my life. I really do.

I want people to accept and like me, but I am accepting here tonite that not everyone will, not everyone will like me.

I will not connect with everyone.

I can’t. It’s not meant to be.

I must and I do accept to strive to connect with others, but if I don’t I don’t. I also accept that I’m not perfect and there are parts of me that I can’t change. I also accept that I am changing and these changes are hard. I accept that nothing is ever going to be easy. I accept that I need to take myself seriously. I accept that when I force myself to do something I’m holding myself prisoner and putting myself in chains and that I’m also keeping myself there when I refuse to be opened minded. I accept each and every new challenge that comes my way and I accept that I can learn something from it.

All I want is the best of me and I will. I do.

I do by getting up everyday and fighting.

I fight and I never give up no matter how difficult it maybe.

I want the best of me and that’s what I will get and that’s what I will accept.

 

Advertisements

6 thoughts on ““The Best of Me”

  1. As I read this I felt every word it was as if you were speaking them directly to me, there’s no way to fully gauge the power of this one, it’s beautiful it’s honest it’s real and more than anything it’s wonderful you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so beautiful. I loved every empowering word. I am very proud of your spirit, strength, perseverance, truth, and ability to love through it all. You are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s