Good morning everyone! I’m up early this morning. Earlier than normal because I have to be at training at 8am. I want to get there early so that I can make sure I find it and to make sure I know where to go. Thank God Nate is coming with me today. He’ll be there. I’m so happy. We are riding back together since we both have to work afterwards. I’m very excited about that. He’s a very sweet man and I don’t see him as a threat. He’s very loving and encouraging. He’s always asking me if I’m okay. I like that.
I’m still writing my book Fear of Abandonment. I didn’t get to write yesterday because I had a migraine. I’ve decided here and now that I will no longer eat gluten or dairy mainly cheese. I’m tired of getting sick and I think once I have my own place I won’t be as tempted because I’m not living close to place where I can get it easily. I’m glad for that. I’m tired of being sick. It sucks royally. So anyway I also have another book I started to get ready to publish, but then I felt something telling me it was time yet. So I waited and decided to get Fear of Abandonment published and I will. I just feel it’s time for the other one to get published too. So I’m going to work on that. I’ve shared pieces from it on several of my posts and I’m excited for you guys and for everyone to read the whole collection.
So I was making coffee this morning and Michael who is Tyler’s fiancee comes in and scares me because I didn’t expect him to be up. But it’s fine. He starts talking to me and asking me how I’m doing. I told him I was okay. I’m thinking what the fuck? Are you serious? I think it’s just trying to make up for the fact that I didn’t say much last night. I came out last night when everyone had dinner, but I didn’t speak unless spoken to. I’m fine. No one made me mad or anything I just realized that I tend to talk too much sometimes and I wanted to listen instead. I need to listen more because when I talk too much I tend to miss things. Listening is a trait worth having. I’ve learned a lot about things by listening. Listening helps me to observe things around me and helps me to understand what’s going on around me. I love it. So that’s what I was doing. Corrie Malone who is another roommate texted me last night to check on me and I believe her words were more genuine than Michael’s, but then again I’m not sure. I’ve told you guys before how I feel about Michael so it might be that I’m letting that decide how I feel about what happened between us this morning or that I just feel that he’s not being genuine with me. I haven’t decided and I’m not going to waste my time thinking about it. It’s not worth it. I’ve made the decision a while back that I wasn’t going to put any effort into our relationship anymore. He’s going to have to come to me and make the effort. Maybe he was trying to this morning. I don’t know. The jury’s still out as the saying goes on that one. I just feel that Michael and I will never get along no matter what. He reminds me too much of my mother and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. I just want to move out. I realized something last night. I went to the store and I had a honest conversation with myself. Tyler won’t admit to me, but because of what’s happened between us since I moved in almost three months ago and that I’ve hurt him not on purpose or anything, but I’ve hurt him and yes he says he forgives me, but I have to open and honest with you guys it’s put a strain on our friendship. It really has. I’ve noticed differences. I’ve noticed how he doesn’t talk to me as much anymore and how he speaks to me is different. Sometimes I feel he is distancing himself from me and I thought oh maybe I’m just imaging things, but I don’t think so. I thought about it and this all makes sense. Feel free to weigh in and see what you think. I love Tyler and he’s my best friend, but the more I think about it the more I feel moving out and getting my own place is a good idea. I think it will help our relationship. I really do. It’s not going to be a quick fix, but maybe it will. It will help our relationship too. So anyway enough on that.
I’m still waiting to hear about the apartment. I’ve been approved I’m just waiting for it to be ready. If she doesn’t call me by Friday. I’m going to call next week and see what’s going on. I want to be moved out of here by May 1st. What I might do is put my stuff in a storage unit and then ask my friend Adam if I can stay with him for a few days till my apartment is ready for me to be moved into. But I may not need to do that, but I want to have that as plan B just in case.
Well that’s all for now. I will keep you updated on everything.
Take care and I love you. We’ll talk soon. I’ll post my last piece called “The Best of Me” when it’s ready. I’m going to finish typing that up today.
Love you guys,