Good morning. How are you guys?! I’m back! I made back to Winston-Salem safely, but I’m in awkward place this morning. I was driving this morning and when I entered Winston I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I’m very moody and I’m struggling this morning, but I realized something. I wanted to say well I’m tired and all that, but I can’t say that. I am tired, but I realize that when I made the decision to Boone that things shifted and I don’t feel like Winston is my home anymore. I am home when I’m in Boone and when I was staying with Hank. Does that make sense? I like Hank, but we are just friends and that’s okay with me. That’s what I wanted to find out. I care about him and having his friendship is very important to me. I really enjoyed my time with him. I miss him already. I’m just struggling to be here in Winston because I know I won’t be here much longer. I have finally found a place where I belong and then I decide to up and move, but that’s life. You have to find the positive even when you don’t see anything to be positive about. I am calm. I am peaceful and I am content. I’m very excited about my life. I just know it’s not going to be in Winston anymore. It’s not going to be at the farm anymore and that’s tough for me to take. One of the biggest thing I have learned in these last two months that I have lived here is that I have made peace about the fact that my mom and I are not longer friends. We are no longer apart of each other’s lives. I miss my old mom who loved me and stood by me and took care of me. That’s the mom I want back, but I can’t have her back. That’s like me wanting to go to the past and try to fix things that I can’t fix or me trying to go to the past so I don’t have to deal with the present and it’s me trying to go to the past to try and make things different about my present and my future, but you can’t go to the past and do any of that. Joyce Meyer says “The past is past because it has passed.” You can’t fix the present or the future by going to the past. The past no longer exist. The only reason it exists at all is because we let it exist. Is that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard? I can’t wrap my head around it quite yet, but it makes sense.
I did get a lot writing done while I was away and I had a blast on my vacation. I learned a lot. I grew up a little and I had a PTSD episode yesterday, but I was able to work through it. I feel really good about the trip and I’m excited about going back to Boone soon. I can’t wait to go back.
Today I am working. I’m closing and then I’m off tomorrow. I’m going to do some laundry and rest. I have a long week ahead.
I heard back from the place about my apartment. I’ve been approved which is a surprise to me I don’t know why. She’ll call me when it’s ready. Now the question is when will I get paid? I have to talk to Nelva today and ask her about the pay periods. Hopefully I can ask her or Nate maybe they can help me figure it out.
That’s all for now. I have all my pictures I took of my vacation . I just need to organize them and I will post about my trip once I get it organized.
Have a great day and I love you. Talk to you soon.
Love you guys,