Good morning! How are my beautiful peoples this morning?! I’m feeling much better today. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well last night, but that’s normal for me. I have had my coffee and I’m ready to start the day. Yesterday was so awful. It was so hard. I thought that I would be okay and that I could handle this job. Well I realized that this is going to be hard. Being manager is not fun. It’s not a glamorous job. I wish. There is a lot to the job and I have to remember a lot of stuff, but I will it’s just going to take time. But I am in a supportive environment. It was so weird. I was really struggling yesterday. I actually cried at one point, but everyone was so intuitive and they could see I was struggling. They kept asking if I was okay. I was able to be open and honest with them, but they were so supportive and helpful. I’m hoping today will be a little better. I’m going to learn how to open the store to. I officially got keys yesterday. I realized some stuff about myself yesterday. I’m recognizing patterns and whenever I am faced with something hard and challenging I want to give up and quit. I look for a way out, but this job isn’t going to fix what’s wrong in my life. I wish it would, but it won’t. I have to deal with these layers of patterns I’ve used to help me survive. Because now I don’t have to. I can be myself and I’m around people who love me and see the real me. They appreciate me. I don’t have to put on fronts and fake smiles. I don’t have to be plastic and be like everyone else. But when you’ve done that for so long it’s a hard habit to break. I think in time I will. It’s just going to take time. I have to remember to believe in myself and lift myself up even in days like this. I was able to push through. I was very aware of what was going on and I was able to work through it and I am a better person for it. I am going to in my down time spend time figuring out these patterns and why they are there and deal with them. It’s not going to be easy, but I want to so I can invite them to leave. I’ve made so many changes and I’ve done so much work I can’t give up now. It’s just sometimes I want to. I want to sometimes because I’m like it’s too much work. I don’t want things to be hard, but for me they are always hard. I have fought so hard to be me and I think that’s why things are hard. But one day at a time I will get there. I’m not perfect no one is.
I did manage to call the apartment place yesterday and I am going to drop off my application on Friday and hopefully I will hear something soon about the apartment. I’m very excited. Friday is also my last paycheck from Tanglewood. I hope they got everything straightened out. I am going to pay my bills for May and hopefully I will get a check from Goodwill in time to pay my bills for June.
Well that’s all for now. I will keep you guys updated on everything. Take care and have a great day.
Love you so much,