My Journey; My Path: The Next Chapter Day 53

Good morning everyone. I’m so glad so many of you liked my piece I shared last night. I just felt lead to share one and that was the one I shared. I hope that it encourages someone and inspires someone.

I did a lot of writing yesterday and I’m so glad. I’m working today, but not till two o’clock. I’m going to research more apartments today. I figured out how much my budget is and I figured out how much I can spend on an apartment which will make it easier for me to pick places. I’m very excited about that. I don’t want something too big, but not too small. I also don’t want something too expensive or too cheap and something that’s too undown. I want to live in a nice place and that’s not too far from work. I know I will find a good place I just have to take my time and keep looking.

Everyone had went to bed last night and I went out on the back porch and had a good cry. My dad was talking about coming up to see the farm. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’m moving. I cried because I’m going to miss it here. I’m going to miss living at the farm. I cried because I feel like the bad roommate and I was feeling sorry for myself, but I was able to stop myself and tell myself that I wasn’t the bad roommate. Everything I’m feeling at least in that moment was all in my mind. I’m the one making it awkward. Tyler’s offered his help and if I want his help I know that I can ask for it. I’m tearing up as I write this. I’m in my room and I’m listening to everyone talking. I’m going to miss this. I’m trying not to cry, but the tears are coming. Everything is going to be okay. This is just another process, another part of life. I am going to be okay, but I have to feel what I feel. It just hurts. It really hurts. I feel like my heart is being ripped out all over again. The hurt is unbearable. But I have to find a way to deal with it. I have to reach out and ask for help when I’m drowning and I feel that I can’t go on. I have to because otherwise I’ll drown. I’ll never be able to move forward. Healing is a process. It’s not easy. It’s very hurtful and it’s very painful. Healing takes time and it’s a bitch.

I love you guys and I’ll talk to you soon.

Kathleen

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