Good morning. Oh boy. Drama, drama, and more drama. I woke up this morning feeling so heavy. I was tired last night so I went to bed. But Tyler and Michael came home and they played their music too loud and I asked them to turn it down because I was trying to sleep. Well Tyler wanted to give me a hug and I said no. He got mad and said he would turn down the music that all I had to do was ask. I said okay and said thank you and went to bed. Well I felt guilty for coming out there and saying something to them and that I didn’t accept a hug from him. Well anyway I couldn’t sleep so I got up and went out to the dining room and talked to Michael for a minute and then he went to bed. I started to cry as he was talking to me. I went outside on the screened in room and cried. I talked with myself out loud while it was raining and I’m going to talk to Tyler. I don’t think living here isn’t the best thing for me. I emailed him this morning to apologize for last night and that we should talk. I told him that I think me living here at the farm isn’t the best thing. I just have to find another place to live. I’m looking for apartments. I’ve been thinking for a while that living here at the farm wasn’t what was best. I tried to make it work, but this place has too many triggers for me and reminds me of when I lived in Asheboro with my mom. I have a lot of baggage that I am sorting through and this place is not helping me. I’m sure Tyler and I will sit down and talk. I just want to do soon so that Michael and Corrie Malone don’t paint my room upstairs and I decide to move out. But it’s okay. I’ll figure it out and my paycheck wasn’t as much as I thought it would be. They must have taken out more taxes or my hours weren’t as much as I thought they would be. I’m going to see what my pay stub is and figure it out and then if there are hours missing I’ll let them know in human resources. Needless to say it’s been a rough morning. I’m just glad it’s Friday. I’m working today. I’m on day three out of six days in a row. I can’t wait for Tuesday. Next week is my last week at Tanglewood. I’m so glad too. Robin is being great about everything which is nice because it makes work more bearable. Anyway that’s my life at the moment. I’m sitting here and it’s so quiet. Tyler and Amy are gone and Michael is sleeping in. It’s kind of nice to have the house to myself. I’m glad for this full-time job because I know I can afford a place on my own or I could move in with a roommate. I know Shannon is looking to get a new place. I thought about talking to her. I want to talk to Tyler first. Shannon may not want a roommate which is fine. We’ll see. I’ll keep you posted. I’m just really upset. I just want to be happy. But today is not a happy day for me. I loved Bethany’s post this morning when she talked about not always feeling like a survivor. Well I don’t feel like one today and I didn’t feel like one yesterday. I just want to curl into a ball and cry, but I know that won’t solve anything. At least at work I can forget about everything at home and I can focus and put my energy into some positive. I looked up apartments and I found one that’s perfect. It’s not far from where I will be working at the Goodwill and it’s not far from the house. It’s wonderful. It’s a studio apartment at $425 a month and it includes a lot of things. I’m very simple when it comes to living so as long as I have place to put my bed and I have a bathroom I’m good. Anyway I’ll talk to Tyler before I get too far into it. I’ll keep you posted.
Have a great day and I’ll talk to you guys soon.
Love you guys,