Oh man. Today is a new day. I’m ready for it.
I was really struggling yesterday. I had a lot going on in my head. I had a lot of shit I was sorting through yesterday. I learned an important lesson. All the obstacles I am facing in my life are inside of me. They are in my head. Mentally I am not ready. I am not ready for a lot of things. Moving to Winston didn’t fix that. It’s not going to fix a lot of things. I have to take each day and deal with each day. Tyler, Michael, and I had dinner last night and they both said what they were thankful for. I said I was thankful for friends who let you process your shit without judgement. At first I didn’t have anything to be grateful for, but then I realized that they let me process stuff and they don’t pressure me. They don’t check on me every minute and keep asking. They ask and then if I don’t want to talk they back off. They let me cry. They let me have moments to myself. They let me do what I need to do. I’ve never had that before. I cry as I write this part because it’s so beautiful. It’s so wonderful. It’s so amazing and so many other things. It’s just awesome. It feels good to open and honest about it and share it with you guys. I was journaling last night and I’m tired of staying silent. I’m tired of people making me feel guilty about things and me letting myself feel guilty. I am done. I am not doing that anymore. I am not staying silent anymore. I will share about my verbal abuse. I will share it with those who are ready to hear it and I want to encourage others that they are not victims they are survivors. They are these beautiful people who are loved and supported by all those around them. I was verbally abused by mom. I guess she thought it was okay. She would just lash out at me for things I didn’t do and things I couldn’t control. She would make me feel guilty about stuff, but no more. I am walking away from her and our relationship. Someday maybe I’ll be able to forgive her and we have our relationship back, but for now I have to walk away. I have to walk away for me. I am still in my story. I am the heroine and the protagonist of my story reaching for the light. I am still writing my story. I am moving forward. Like I said I will take one day at a time and one day I will find healing and I will be a better person for it. I’ve never taken the easy road. I want things to be easy. Sure I do. We all do. Who doesn’t? But I have a family here. I have my “blog” family who loves me and supports me and encourages me just when I need it. I am so grateful for that.
Betty. You know who you are. Thank you for reaching out yesterday. You are the sweetest person on the face of this earth. Thanks for your support from the beginning and encouraging me. You are my rock and you are my dearest friend. I will treasure you and cherish your words that you said to me. I will take them with me as I move forward and look back on them when I am facing my bad and really shitty days.
Thanks to all my readers, followers, and friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you guys. My love for you is beyond words.
Today is a big day. I have a lot do. I am going to look up a number for the job on Craigslist and start other applications. I will be going to the gym at some point and swimming today. I need to get out of the house. I am happy. I am free. I am no longer silent about my verbal abuse. I am not a victim. I am also calling Home Depot about another position as well. I’ll keep you guys updated on everything. We are also getting our hot water turned on. Finally. I’m so excited.
I hope everyone has a great day and remember you are beautiful. You are beautiful to me if to no one else. Have a great day. I love you guys so much….