Oh man what a day yesterday. We closed a little earlier again which is fine. I have to go in a half an hour earlier because we are having a golf tournament today and they are going to be busy. Today is going to be a good day. It will be busy and it will be my first “real” day actually figuring out orders and stuff. I got a little taste yesterday, but today will be more of taste, bite, and chew. We’ll see. I’m not ready, but I have to be. I’m working with John and Robin. I love John. He’s very sweet.
Yesterday was rough. I had this breakthrough and realization that just because I moved to Winston doesn’t mean that it fixes everything. I wish it did, but it doesn’t. I still have my baggage, my skeletons, my demons, my shit, and everything I’ve repressed for thirty years. I worked through and sorted my feelings and I just had this big cry yesterday. I got home and I just wanted to boil some water for a shower and nothing seemed to go right. Tyler came in and said hey like he usually does and I stopped the water and I started to cry. He said come here and he and I just stood there. He just held me. He told me it was okay to cry and he let me. It’s the first time anyone has ever held me and just let me be. No judgement and no trying to give me solutions and answers to everything going on in my life. I did sort through everything that happened the other night with Amy’s friend Annie and Tyler and I talked about it. I shared with him how she reminded me of my sister Megan. Megan is a lot like Annie except for age and Annie is black and Megan is not. Megan is a schoolteacher and I shared how she used to come home when she lived with my mom and myself and hearing Annie talk about her kids and stuff was just like hearing my sister and it set me off. I also told him about my realization that I had earlier when I woke up that morning. Why I thought it would be easy? I told Tyler that and he said I knew it was going to be hard. Thirty years of these feelings and all this shit isn’t going to get fixed in one night. I wish. Each day is a challenge for me to change and to process things differently. Tyler gave me some advice and it makes sense. He told me to throw myself into new and different things or something along those lines. I told him I have to find a new way to process things. I have to process things differently. I’m not in that negative, toxic environment anymore. I’m in a space where I am loved and respected and I have a chance to grow. I have to find a way to see that. It’s going to take one day at a time. I’m excited.
So today is a new day. We’ll see what it unfolds. I’m very excited. Have a wonderful day and we’ll talk soon.
I love you guys so much,