My Journey; My Path Day 187

Good morning!! I’m so happy to be alive. I’m so happy. This is it!! My last week at my job. I can’t believe that I move in this weekend. I am so glad. Oh man. I wish it was Friday!! Oh man. My mom started on me the minute I came home. I wasn’t feeling well and I asked her to get me some medicine and she bitched about it and how much it would cost and I told her never mind that I would get it. I went back out to the store and got it. As I was driving to the store she wanted to talk about it. She asked me if I was okay. She asked me twice. I’m like really you don’t understand that I don’t feel well. As soon as I got home she started in. She asked me again about how I was feeling and all that. She also said I didn’t have to give her any money or anything bills or some shit like that, but she wants me to give her half of the $150 dollars. For Ally to process the car and put it in my name they charge $150 dollar fee. I told her we’ll see. I’m not going to give her any money. I have stuff I have to pay for like getting the car inspected and doing the registration and I have to money to live on. I’m like OMG bitch. I’m sorry. I love my mom I really do and I know she’s upset because I’m leaving, but all you are doing is pushing me out and pushing me away. She doesn’t see it, but she will. But by then it will be too late. Then she was bugging me about the form to fill out for the car. So I’m trying to get the car I’m driving in my name and she said she would fill out the form and then she had me to help her fill it out. I helped her and I explained there was no rush and she said there was. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. Then she wanted me to call Christa. Christa is my oldest sister who is going to help me move this weekend and I kept stating that I was tired and that I was going to call her. I just wanted to relax. My mom was like asking me if I was okay or some stupid shit and I was like I don’t want to call her and I told her I was tired and that I wanted to relax. She was like you don’t have to call her and all that. She finally left me alone. I have a feeling that’s going to be like this all week. Well I’ll tell her if she asks me again about the money that I don’t have half of it. Besides if they don’t process it and put it in my name I have to money to refinance it and pay off Ally and I told her that. I have a feeling they won’t do it anyway and I told her that. She asked me why and I said I just do meaning I have a feeling they want do it. 

Oh man. I wish I could leave right now. This week is going to be rough. I haven’t told anyone at work except for my bosses and the lady that does the payroll that I’m leaving. I’m sure it will get around the school and I hope I am gone when that happens. I don’t want anyone to know.

Today I am getting my car inspected and packed. I have laundry to do. I am going to plan my outfits for this week so I don’t have to worry about choosing a outfit everyday. I may have to do laundry again, but that’s okay. I am also going to update Tyler even though I don’t have to, but I want to. My mom’s got a doctor’s appointment this morning so I figure this is a good opportunity to be out of the house. She’s been breaking out and she keeps saying what she might think it is. I can’t wait for her to go to the doctor so I don’t have to hear about it anymore. I know. From the way I talk you would think I don’t love my mom, but I do. I love her, but she doesn’t love me. She’s hurt and she has issues and she’s lashing out at me. I don’t understand. She just doesn’t care. I think she is doing everything on purpose so I can well I guess that I’ll stay. I’m like stay? What the hell? I’m not staying. If for some reason this doesn’t work out I’m not coming back. I’m staying in Winston. But I don’t see any reason why this wouldn’t work out. I’m not even going there. It’s all good. I’m a beautiful, intelligent, loving, giving person and I have a lot to offer. I’m not going to be negative anymore. I’m going to be happy, light, and full of love for others. Yes I’m not perfect and I have my bad, shitty, ugly days, but for the most part I am happy and I have an upbeat attitude and I want the best out of life. Everyone should want that. Will everyone have that I don’t know. I can’t speak for everyone. I can only share and speak for myself. I can only share my voice and I will. I will share my truth and I hope it will inspire someone to share theirs.

Have a great day everyone and stay positive.

Sending you guys all the love I can muster,

Kathleen

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