My Journey; My Path Day 132

Hi there!

It’s cold here and the temperatures are supposed to warm up. I’m hoping some of the snow will melt and mom and I can go home today. My mom and I talked about it last night. She’s going to check our road when she gets off work today. She went back to work at regular time today. Dustin is at work too. Dustin is my sister’s husband. It’s just me, my older sister and Dustin’s mother. I haven’t seen anything of her today and I hope I don’t. I think she’s already irritated my sister though. I was in the guest room on the computer checking emails and stuff and my sister came in to look for something. She had that look on her face like she irritated, but I could be wrong.

Anyway I’m having a wonderful time with my sister and her husband. We stayed up till 11 last night watching movies and talking and laughing and had a great time. Dustin’s mom had went to bed so it was just the four of us and it was wonderful. I enjoyed it. I really did. I stayed up last night till midnight and did some reading and stuff. Just recently I have decided to move forward with my relationship with Jesus Christ. I had been backsliding and I decided I was mad at him for what had happened to me with my foot. But last night I was watching The God’s Not Dead movies and something ignited in me. I still have doubts, but my faith is at the core of who I am. I can’t walk away from it, but I still have doubts and I know I will work through them, but I can’t do it alone. I don’t want to abandon my faith, but I also have questions and I want answers to them. I don’t want to accept whatever everyone tells me. I want to find answers myself about things. I wish I could say I was absolutely perfect and that my relationship with Christ is perfect, but it’s not. For years I have pretended I was something I wasn’t and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to be real, raw, and fresh. I want to be open and honest. I want to love unconditionally. I want people to know I care and love them without limits, conditions, or judgement. I’m tired of fake people who only want me around to suit their needs. I want to be a caring, compassionate person. I want to be me. I want to be me all the time. It’s something I will work on for the rest of my life, but it’s also important for me to be around people who truly care about me. It’s the whole reason I want to move to Winston. I want to live with Tyler and his partner Michael because they truly see me and they truly care about me and they love me unconditionally without limits, conditions, or judgement. Tyler has helped me to grow in ways I never expected. So I’m excited to be moving in with them.

Life as I have stated before is not always pretty. It’s shitty and right now for me it’s shitty. But I take one day at a time. Today is today. Tomorrow is not promised. Live your life today as if tomorrow never comes. Be encouraged. No matter what you face you will make it through. I believe that it’s up to you to believe it to. I can’t make you. You have decide that for yourself. The question is what will you chose?

The picture of me here is raw, real, and fresh. It’s on a day I was having a bad day and I was smiling because in life we have those days.

Have a great day everyone!

Much love to you,

Kathleen

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