My Journey; My Path Day 90

I can’t believe it’s been 90 days since I started writing my blog about my journey; my path. Today is a sad day. I feel empty. I feel nothing. A friend of mine is burying his father today. I wrote him a post and send him a private message on facebook. His name is John Wilson. It’s so hard for me because I care for him so much. John is openly gay and he’s a wonderful, sweet person. It’s so hard for me because John shouldn’t have to do this. He shouldn’t have to bury his father. You know the saying no parent should have to bury their child well that goes both ways. No child should have to bury their parent. Today John buries his father and I just got my father back so to speak. My father and I just started speaking to each other recently. We have become friends again. I have decided recently to forgive my father and accept him for who he is. Slowly and surely my father and I will have our relationship again. It will be beautiful. I cherish my relationship with my father. John’s dad’s death has made me cherish my father even more. I’m sitting here and  the tears are coming. It’s so hard for me to write this today. I really wanted to go to the funeral, but I knew I wouldn’t go. I believe funerals are for those who are family and friends. John is more of an acquaintance, but I consider him a friend, but it is more than that. John is openly gay and I love that. My heart strings are for the LGBT community and I am honored that John is apart of that community. That is why, this is the real reason this is so hard for me. My heart lies with the LGBT community. I have always had friends and still have friends and those that are like family to me that are apart of this special community. I love them and accept each and everyone. It infuriates me when someone attacks this beautiful community. The attacks in Orlando Florida really shattered me. It touched my soul and the pain I felt reached all the way to my soul and it hurt so much, it still does. No one not even my mom understands my love and my devotion to this community. I know many people in the straight community support the LGBT community, but many don’t and I want to hate them, but I can’t. I try and understand, but I just can’t wrap my head around that one. My best friend Tyler and his partner who live in Winston who I am moving in with are both openly gay. I love them both and it makes me angry that there is someone out there that will never accept them for who they are. Their friendship and my love for them is worth more to me than “pushing” the Bible at them or quoting these stupid “Christian” Cliches. I am almost ashamed to be a “Christian”. So many of my brothers and sisters in Christ are saying these horrible empty, nasty words, but they speak of love especially God’s love. It makes me so angry. I told my mom that it makes me sick. I also told her that it’s these people that wonder why no one wants to get saved. It’s tragic. It’s awful. It’s nice for the first time that I can speak of these things and be open and honest about it. I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don’t care what people say. These people. This community is my friends and those who are like family to me. I love them and I accept them. I will show them God’s unconditional love without “pushing” it at them and speaking to them with these horrible, empty, nasty words.

Speak to you soon,

Kathleen

i-refuse

 

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